


Half-Life: Fundamentals

by lechechu



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Aliens, Angst and Drama, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Comedy, Dark Comedy, Fist Fights, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Gun Violence, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Post-Canon, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22903786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lechechu/pseuds/lechechu
Summary: G-man is dropped upon the same shore to relieve his own past nightmares. Continuation of 'Freeman Entries.' After Marc Laidlaw's 'Epistle 3' version.
Relationships: G-Man & Gordon Freeman, G-man & Gordon, G-man/Gordon, The G-Man/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 14
Kudos: 58





	1. Respite

**Author's Note:**

> The titles in these chapters are song titles as well. Meaning - it would be wise to listen to them. 'Respite' is a Black Mesa Xen soundtrack.

It was hardly quiet. 

To his ears, the sea waves crashing upon the shore and the call of the gulls were louder than the faint rumbling in the distance. What that rumbling belonged to - he didn’t know. However, as he finally opened his eyes, did he realize the gravity of the situation. The swirling, pale somatic beams of light signified just what little power he had left. Shifting in the sand he laid in, the bureaucratic man rose to sit up and gaze to that tumbling light. Aurora Borealis was nothing compared in beauty, let alone color. Slowly gazing down to his sand-covered hands, did he clench and unclench them from fists. Why was he here?

Deprived of energy, the government man slowly and wearily stood upon that shore on his own two feet, ignoring the sand that was settled in his hair, among other places that would take weeks to clean out fully. Lightly inhaling the musky, rubber scent of the sea, blue eyes continued to gander at the lights across the horizon. Those lights were hardly blinding, as the thick, unforeseen fog dimmed what brightness it had, or rather the Earth’s atmosphere prevented those from seeing it’s entirety. No matter how much those lights tangled with one another - nothing sparked in the other’s mind.

Why should those lights matter to him? Hearing noises off to his right, the mysterious, navy suit-wearing man gazed slowly to a figure who was digging through the sand, perhaps to bury something. Or rather _someone._ As the man made a hole within the sediment, did he gaze up to meet the other’s eyes; blue meeting green.

As the wind rustled their hair, rattling what sand was trapped within to leave, shifting their clothes to the side - the green-eyed man soon rose to his feet, which were bare and deprived of any shoes. A castaway, perhaps like himself. Silence, except for the noise of the sea, did the digging man slowly make his way across the shore to the other, before eventually breaking out into a jog. The government stood there, trying to make a familiar sense of the other’s face. He seemed familiar; why?

Before he could speak, a fist soon came to his face, knocking him straight back into the sand he laid first upon just moments ago. Quietly venting, he gazed up at the man who straddled him, getting more wails to his face, and for blood to seep out of his nose due to the assailing. 

“You son of a bitch!”  
  


“...!” Deciding he had enough of the constant array of punches to his face, the government man grabbed hold of the other’s wrists, grunting as he received a knee to his abdomen. It seemed the other wasn’t done with him, as the man grabbed him by the collar and tie, raising him up. Weary as he already was, the government man expected to be wailed on again - and perhaps a bit more than that. Another punch knocked him down, and the assailant finally left him to lay back into the sand, blood seeping from his seemingly broken nose and ripped lip.

“ **_Gordon…_ **” The government man hoarsely spoke and panted hard, dizzily laying in the sediment, heaving some from the kick to his abdomen. Turning towards the other, holding onto his sore hand, did the Freeman glare at the other when he shakily sat up onto his forearms, torrents of blood dripping from his nostrils and staining the navy-blue suit he wore. 

“Don’t you _dare_ call me that. You of _all_ people don’t get to call me that. How are you here? More importantly, _why_ ? Now that I see you’re here, I… _nngh_.” Gordon hissed as his hand ached in pain, most likely fractured from the excessive punching he provided. Gazing back to the mysterious man laying in the sand, the Freeman then hissed again - but in anger towards the other.

“Haven’t you ruined people’s lives enough already?” 

“ **_It would appear I need… medical attention_ **.”

“Rot in hell. If you think I’m going to help you, you’re dead wrong.” Gordon turned away and headed down the shoreline, holding his aching hand. Venting in, the pale man tried to stand - lethargic and shaky despite so.

“ **_I have no recollection of anything._ **” Pausing in place, Gordon turned towards the other once more once the government man stood, sinking into the sand some due to his weight. Wearing Oxfords upon this shore wasn’t helping much in keeping his balance, as the Freeman practically knocked his equilibrium out.

“... What?”

“ **_... I said I have no recollection of anything._ **”

“I heard you the first time, what do you mean you don’t know anything? Did you _not_ just take Alyx on some wacky trip through interdimensional space, let alone _kill_ me on that goddamn forsaken ship?”

“ **_Why do you think I’m here, Mr. Freeman? Perhaps_ ** **_even I_ ** **_have managed to tick off my eh-eh-eh-employers on account of a near paradox._ ** ”  
  


“Well, I wouldn’t fucking misjudge them for _that_ judgment. Seems like you have a keen eye on pissing a lot of people off, nowadays.” Gordon rubbed at his sore hand and watched the government man try and keep his balance, using the back of his hand to try and stop the blood from staining his navy-blue suit any more. In a way, it was strange to see this mysterious man so… _weak_. That fight on the Borealis was the total opposite.

“ **_I have no association with our previous fight, as you say. Let alone the… purpose, of my well-being. Now, all I ask is for a bit of… humanity, that’s left in your own being._ **” Inhaling sharply, Gordon glanced the other, top to bottom and back before turning around again.

“You’re lucky my hand hurts and I need attention as well.” Gordon began to walk along the shore, with ease as he had no fancy shoes on to make him stumble around like a deer on ice. Taking the opportunity, the mysterious man followed - almost drunkenly - to the Freeman’s place of establishment upon this shore.

Approaching the cabin, the government man gazed around at the memorabilia that seemed oddly… familiar. Stepping inside, the pale man stared at the pictures on the wall. Old, somewhat tattered - likely to have been there for decades. One of them was a military photo, perhaps to commemorate a successful mission. Deep down, the mysterious man knew what this cabin was.

It was his.

“Here.” Glancing to Gordon, the man then glanced down to his hand as he gave him a damp cloth to wipe away the blood. Taking the rag did he press it against his sore nose, tilting his head back some.

“Ah, don’t do that! You can get a blood clot.” Preventing him from putting his head back, the government man grew confused upon Gordon truly helping him, to which the bearded scientist let go of him.

“Unlike you, I have a shred of humanity left.” Gordon furrowed his brow before moving to wrap his hand as it was starting to bruise. Looking around the cabin, the government man then narrowed his eyes at the mess that Freeman had established since his time here. 

“ **_I wouldn’t talk about humanity, Mr. Freeman - when you make this much of a mess in my cabin._ **”

“What? This cabin was abandoned. How is it yours?” Gordon blinked and wrapped up his hand before glancing to where the government man pointed - to the pictures upon the walls.  
  


“ **_Those are my pictures._ **” Glancing to the photos, Gordon blinked and focused his vision on them, spotting one of the military guys to have some resemblance to that of the mysterious, pale man. It was hard to entirely tell, as the picture was faded, and uncolored. Glancing slowly to the cryptic man did Freeman slowly sit on the cot, finishing up the wrapping of his hand.

“... This is getting really weird, now. If this is your cabin, why was I dropped here after the first time the Borealis was heading for a crash course to the Combine Overworld?”

“ **_I am the wrong person to be asking that question, Mr. Freeman. Let alone am willing to… share, my point-of-view._ **” The government man wiped his nose with the cloth, venting lightly as the bleeding finally stopped - however his nose was likely broken from the assault. He would need to crack it back into place. Undoing his suit blazer, the pale man slid it off of his shoulders and set it aside before moving to a dusty, old mirror to gaze at his face.

Weathered, pale, bruised and bloodstained.

Touching his face, the government man then gently took hold of his nose, venting lightly as even touching it left it to send a shockwave of pain throughout his body. Watching the other, Gordon cringed as he heard the crack, unconsciously clenching his fists as the government man hung his head and placed his hands against the wall. No sound of pain came from the other, however, Gordon knew that it must have hurt way worse than any gunshot wound he endured.

Slowly raising his head, the mysterious man glanced at himself in the cracked mirror before him, lightly turning his face to the side, then the other to see if he looked any different. He was still bruised and bloodstained, nonetheless, he could breathe through his nostrils again. Turning away from the mirror, the government man then moved to sit in a creaky, old chair, crossing his arms. In a way, it was uncharacteristic, in Gordon’s perspective. He always saw him so uniformed and straight - unreachable. 

“... So, was Black Mesa your shit show, then?”

“ **_And what concurs to your meaning of…_ ** _**shit-show**_ **, Dr. Freeman?** ” 

“Why was Black Mesa the epitome of everything to go down? The Resonance Cascade. Why did you pick us when there were several other facilities to ruin?” Quietly gazing to the bearded scientist, the mysterious man then turned his vision towards that of the old photos on the wall. Photos he had forgotten of their origin.  
  


“ **_I will ask you a question as well, Dr. Freeman. Why choose to work for… Black Mesa, when there were other facilities to choose from? Was it for mere acquaintances, or for your own… personal experience?_ **”

“I was recommended to go to Black Mesa by an old mentor.”

“ **_Yet you had the option to choose any facility your doctorate would allow you to take. You could have easily chosen something that fits your… understanding and experience. Tell me, Dr. Freeman - why choose Black Mesa as the final verdict?_ **” Staying silent, Gordon then furrowed his brow as he felt mocked.

“I picked it for--”

“-- **_Your acquaintances. Not for your own choice._ **”

“... so you had no choice in picking Black Mesa.”

“ **_Quite so._ **” The mysterious man breathed out before turning his head to gaze at the other, leaving Freeman to sit back some. Now that he noticed - the cryptic bureaucrat’s eyes were no longer glowing. Instead, held a deep blue. He was normal - in some aspects. He bled, he felt pain, he didn’t have choices of his own. 

Who the hell were his employers?

“... So Black Mesa was chosen by your employers. That must mean they had their own experience with the facility that heavily outweighs what they might have chosen before. A final verdict. Black Mesa had something that kept them interested. An ideal environment.”

“ **_Nice to see you’re putting your doctorate to good use, Mr. Freeman._ **”

“Don’t be an asshole. I’m qualified. God, you sound just like those other scientists at Black Mesa. Cryptically more so.” Gordon huffed lightly and held his hand, trying to rest it in a position where it didn’t hurt as much. He sure hell hoped he just sprained it and bruised it, and not actually broke it. It was his crowbar and gun-wielding hand. If he had to fight again, it would surely be painful.

“... So what now?”

“ **_... Meaning?_ ** ”  
  


“Seeing as how you’re here, I would think Black Mesa’s still on it’s way to getting another Resonance Cascade to start up. If not by you, then by your other-self. _Alternate_ self. Would make for an interesting sci-fi movie, if someone ever decided to document my life from a third-person perspective.” Gordon took hold of a flask from underneath the cot, unscrewing the top slowly to get at the contents inside.

Whiskey. Thankfully untainted.

“ **_You assume I have another form?_ **”

“I did. Why can’t you?” Gordon then vented as the flask was swiped away from him by the government man, who simply closed it back up and set it aside. It was his to begin with, and the Freeman was comfortably making himself at home. 

“Hey, I was drinking that!”

“ **_While you may have had another form of yourself, Mr. Freeman, I am simply a singularity. No forms of mine exist apart from my own, here. While I do believe that… Black Mesa, is a sort of_ ** **_respite_ ** **_for you, it has no basis for my own. An infinite loop for you, whilst a single point for me._ **”

“You’re kidding… so I can kill you now and get over my seething rage of having you here with me?”

“ **_With no prior military experience, Mr. Freeman - it would be very difficult for you to do so._ **”

“Yeah, but I sure kicked your ass on the beach just a few minutes ago. What does that entail?”

“ **_That you can do damage, but not necessarily_ ** **_solve_ ** **_the problem._ **” 

“You bastard.” Gordon huffed at the sassy tone of the other, narrowing his eyes before taking off his glasses to rub at his face. It was surely going to be difficult having him around as if him observing from afar before didn’t initially creep him out. Putting his glasses back on, he watched the government man return to the creaky, old seat.

“So there’s no sense in us going back to Black Mesa?”

“ **_For what reason?_ ** ”  
  


“Obviously the Resonance Cascade has to happen in order for Alyx to… well, get employed by you, right? But if you’re not there, and you have no other form of yourself other than _right now_ , how does that not signify a possible paradox in itself?”

“ **_You must realize that while I personally hold significance in itself regarding the Resonance Cascade, my eh-eh-eh-employers are quite significant themselves regarding… power. A paradox is the least of their concerns._ **”

“Is the idea still the same, though? What plans you initially had involving Alyx, had they turned a leaf to it? In Layman's terms; do they see Alyx as a potential employee to use?” Being quiet, the government man simply gazed at Gordon as the sound of the wind rattling the windows of the small cabin came between them.

“Look… your employers told you to employ me for your mission. That was at Black Mesa. Now, you’re _not there_ . Who’s supposed to employ me, if my alternate self is still there? Who’s going to pluck Alyx out of that hellhole when shit hits the fan? Or even when the Borealis is headed for doom? Do all those events change with you not being there? Surely they shouldn’t. That swirling light on the horizon should be _any_ indication that we’re on the verge of a paradox.” Gordon motioned to the other before motioning to the outside world around them.

“You’re not supposed to be here. As a matter of fact, you’re not. You’re… a _manifestation_ , of yourself. That’s why you don’t have any recollection of what happened some time ago, on the Borealis, where you killed me. That’s why you’re weaker and you bleed easily. Your eyes don’t glow anymore either. You’re human, just like me. While you still speak like a bureaucratic, cryptic alien, your physical self is only left behind. Not your transcendence.” Blinking lightly, the government man then leaned back in his chair as he thought to himself.

“Which raises a further question - who put you here in this state of a lesser mind?” As the wind rattled the windows, silence filled the cabin otherwise, leaving Gordon to slick his hair back as he tried to think. The pale man was equally confused, however, it still made some sense to a certain degree. He didn’t feel any sort of… remembrance of power. The ability to appear in a place in a quick action was less so. The power to persuade someone to induce an act was less so. Why was it less so? What was left of his diminished self?

“Black Mesa is where it starts so… I see every point in preventing that swirling, universal bomb from getting too close to singularity itself.”

“ **_We are not going._ ** ”  
  


“What? Wait, out of all people, I didn’t expect _you_ … to _deny_ going to Black Mesa, where this damn mess started in the first place!”

“ **_What is it that you wish to discover, Dr. Freeman? If my… transcendence, is there, why should I feel the need to return? The Resonance Cascade will happen no matter what. Why must you feel the need to save the universe, time and time again… as you know that no possible way of victory is in view?_ **”

“What the hell are you talking about? If the universe explodes, your _current_ physical state… _right now_ , will die. Your other state, the-the-the… _transcendence_ of your physical state will have no connection to _anything_ in the world when that happens. How can it still survive if everything is dead? Gone. No point of singularity. If the _entire you_ is not there, how can you expect to extract Alyx from Black Mesa, or employ her? Your transcendence can’t do anything your physical property can. Which I think is the reason for that swirling light outside. You don’t connect with yourself soon, everything you had hoped to accomplish is non-existent.” 

Quietly reflecting, the government man then rose to his feet, staring at the other who sat in the cot he previously occupied, long ago. Perhaps, was it even long ago?

“ **_We are not going._ **” The pale man simply replied before moving to leave the cabin and head outside, leaving Gordon to grip the strands of his hair, feeling that the other wasn’t telling him the true reason he didn’t want to go. It was like talking to a wall. Figures, the Freeman was considerably used to it. As the other went outside, Gordon moved to look at the photos upon the wall. They were certainly military announcements, a squadron consisting of 10 or more soldiers - with one being the government man himself. 

Glancing out the doorway, Gordon vented in before moving out to the beach, standing next to the government man who sat in the sand, staring to the dim, swirling lights on the horizon. Moving to sit in the sand as well, the Freeman then turned his head to the other.

“Don’t you want closure?”

“ **_Closure to what, Mr. Freeman?_ **”

“I don’t know… maybe why your employers chucked you in a place like this without your whole being?”

“ **_I doubt it was my eh-eh-eh-employers, who dropped me upon this shore._ ** ”  
  


“Are you sure about that? How can you know? You don’t have your transcendence to talk to them and figure it out. What makes you think they wouldn’t backstab you?” Inhaling lightly, the government man then glanced over to the other, furrowing his brow in agitation.

“ **_My entire transcendence isn’t missing, Mr. Freeman. I can still think, and act accordingly._ **”

“But that doesn’t compare to what you’ve previously done, ain’t that right? Can’t teleport to unreachable places, can’t get people to do your bidding. We’re on an equal playing field now, G-man. You can easily die as I can. Except, someone like you won’t come back.” 

“ **_And what plan do you have, when arriving to… Black Mesa, Mr. Freeman? What do you hope to accomplish aside from bringing me back to my mind over matter?_ **”

“... Maybe it’ll teach you a lesson as to pick who you trust, carefully. While I don’t know what to expect when getting there, or even if it _is_ there - this time, anyway - what I do know is that my friends don’t deserve to die over someone else’s mistakes.”

“ **_You never consider yourself then, Mr. Freeman? It’s always been about your acquaintances._ **”

“... That’s because I’m human. What about you?” Blinking lightly, the government man then glanced back to the swirling lights, staying quiet. Watching the other, Gordon then turned his vision back to the horizon before eventually getting back up and heading back inside the cabin to get a bit of rest. Sitting on the shore by himself, the government man slowly touched his chest, realizing that it was the first time he could feel his heartbeat.

Lightly inhaling, the pale man then rose from the sand and headed back inside the cabin, glancing to Gordon momentarily as he laid on the cot with his glasses on the side table and his eyes closed. Glancing around the cabin, the mysterious man moved over to a record player, before turning on the turntable, and placing the needle onto the vinyl. 

As the music began to play, the government man noticed that it continued off of what he heard in the past, before he had left this cabin for good. Opening his eyes to the noise, Gordon glanced over to the government man as he was standing over the record player. That song sounded familiar. The Freeman laid there and thought as the music played. It was an old classic.

Frank Sinatra’s ‘ _That’s Life_.’

Was this the government’s favorite? Or preferred music? It was a little fitting, considering the other.  
  


As the mysterious man listened to the music, he slowly glanced at himself in the mirror, gazing at his weathered face. His nose was still bruised, along with other parts of his face from Freeman’s earlier, relentless beating. Lightly inhaling, Gordon put on his glasses as he spotted the man starting to lip-sync to the end of the song.

_I’m gonna roll myself up, in a big ball… and… die._

_My, my._


	2. Convergence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps I best leave it to the script.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Convergence is a Black Mesa Xen song.

Waking up to the scent of wood burning, Gordon lightly coughed and opened his eyes, hurriedly grabbing his glasses to see what was going on. Feeling a few embers land on his shoulder, the Freeman patted them away before coughing more as smoke filled the entire cabin, and fire was spreading along the ceiling.

“G-man!” Calling out, the Freeman tried to pat out some of the fires before eventually giving up as they were a lost cause. Looking through the heavy smoke, Gordon spotted the government man spreading gasoline along the old, dusty furniture. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” Not receiving a response, Gordon coughed as he felt his lungs burning. It wasn’t doing him any good being stuck in the cabin, and soon the bearded scientist took hold of the pale man’s arm as he heard the ceiling creak and threaten to collapse in on itself from the fire. 

“Look out!” Gordon dragged the other out through the front door before the ceiling collapsed, coughing heavily to rid his lungs of the leftover smoke before looking at the blazing inferno of what was left of that old cabin. Looking to the government man, the Freeman then grabbed him by the collar, having him look at him.

“What the fuck were you thinking?! You could have killed us!”

“ **_It would not matter to you, Mr. Freeman._ **”

“Goddamn it, you’re really starting to piss me off. Why did you burn down the cabin? This was my place of safety! Your original place of solitude!”

“ **_As such, it should be destroyed. No trace left behind. Besides, it was never your place to begin with, Mr. Freeman. I can do whatever I please with it._ **” The government man stated as the two watched the cabin burn, with Gordon still coughing free of the ash from his lungs.

“... Now how the hell are we going to survive? Food and water - gone! A protective shelter from the elements - gone! We’re going to have to leave the shore and find something else now because you decided to be a… a _dickhole_!” Gordon sighed and rubbed his face, trying to get the soot off despite being covered in it.

“ **_Isn’t it what you wanted?_ ** ”  
  


“What?! I didn’t say anything about burning down the cabin!”

“ **_Quite, yet you wanted to leave this shore for… Black Mesa, did you not?_ **”

“Yeah, but I didn’t expect to basically burn everything essential we had to take. We don’t have money, no ID, no means of transportation either!” Gordon sighed as he moved to the waterfront to splash some seawater on his face, and to stop his hair from being singed due to the embers that were floating around from the wreckage. The government man glanced back to the burning cabin before gazing to his hands, staring at the dog tags he took before he decided to burn the remnants of his past.

“I guess this means that if I do die and come back here, this cabin will no longer be my sanctuary. Thanks a lot.” Gordon sighed and splashed more water on himself before taking off his shirt to dry off his hair. As the early morning arrived, and the cabin was finished burning, the Freeman tried to salvage anything that was left behind. Nothing but scraps and charred remains of the building. Sighing to himself, the bearded scientist looked behind him as he spotted the government man sitting in the sand.

The pale man lightly fumbled with the dog tags in his hands as he stared to the horizon, staring to the swirling of lights, that were less dim than the Sun that rose. On the surface, Gordon was fuming with the actions from the other, but deep down… he felt understanding. Having something that reminded you of your past, surrounding you almost suffocatingly, wasn’t easy. Maybe the government man got fed up.

“G-man.”

“ **_Is that my new name?_ **”

“Would you prefer _asshole_? Besides, I don’t know your real name, and I doubt you’d tell me.”

“ **_Even I don’t remember my real name._ **”

“... Really?”

“ **_And this is surprising to you, Dr. Freeman?_ **”

“Obviously. But then again, I don’t know your life, do I? Obviously you were some military soldier, but who the hell knows how long ago was that. Your name was most likely… ‘ _dirtbag_ ’ or ‘ _crybaby_ ’ during the army.” Gordon looked as the government man simply hummed and drew his attention back to the horizon as the sun rose to start the new day.  
  


“ **_What is it that you wanted to ask me?_ **”

“... Since you burned down the cabin, I’m guessing you lifted enough fingers so as to not help me search for supplies.”

“ **_Quite so._ **” Giving an unamused face, Gordon sighed heavily and moved to dig through the debris again, venting as he managed to get a couple of bottles of water and an army knife. It should be helpful to keep them going for a bit. Or at least keep Gordon going for a bit. Seeing as nothing else seemed salvageable, the Freeman moved to plant himself in the sand, staring to the horizon.

“... So does this mean you’re willing to follow me to Black Mesa?”

“ **_Not willing, Mr. Freeman. Just curious. After all, I am your observer._ **”

“Oh, shocking.” Giving a neutral expression this time, Gordon then slicked his hair back, venting as it was getting long, but not long enough to scoop back into a ponytail. The annoying long, where strands of hair would poke into his eyes, despite wearing glasses. Glancing to the other, the government man then took hold of the army knife in the other’s possession.

“ **_Sit still._ **”

“What?”

“ **_Sit. Still._ **” The government man reannounced before using the knife to cut the other’s hair, much to Gordon’s surprise. He stayed perfectly still, unsure of how skillful the other was with the knife.

“Where’d you learn to cut hair?”

“ **_Have you forgotten I was in the army and my sergeants called me ‘crybaby’ and ‘dirtbag,’ Mr. Freeman? Were we not discussing this approximately 34 seconds ago?_ **” 

“Oh, ha-ha. Very funny. The creepy, bureaucratic stalker can make a joke. There’s another shocker.” Gordon huffed as he felt his hair become lighter as the mysterious man cut it with the knife. He wasn’t sure how much he was cutting off, let alone if it was going to be appropriate for his head shape, let alone how evenly it was going to be cut as he had a _knife_ instead of a pair of scissors. After a few, long minutes, the government man then stopped the cutting, huffing as he had Freeman’s hair all along his hand, sticking to him like he was glue.

“ **_Disgusting. It’s your DNA._ ** ”  
  


“If you were still alien, you’d probably melt. Hm, I need a mirror.” Feeling his hair, Gordon shook out the leftover strands so they wouldn’t make him itchy. Pulling on his shirt to sluff off what remained of his long hair, the Freeman stood up and tried to find something to give his reflection, finding a piece of mirror from the cabin. Picking it up and looking at himself, the bearded scientist hummed as it wasn’t necessarily bad.

“Well, I guess you’re useful for one thing.” Gordon vented in before looking to the government man, seeing him stand there, knife in hand. Feeling creeped out, the Freeman slowly took back the knife from the other before sliding it back into the sheath. 

“I guess the first order of business is to find a place to get supplies and maybe a car.” Soon, the sound of Freeman's stomach growling filled the silence between them. Holding his stomach, the bearded scientist then sighed heavily.

“Actually, the first order of business is to get some food. Since you promptly destroyed all the food supplies I had - thank you _very_ much - we need to grab a bite to eat. Which means find money.” Blinking as the other dug into his suit blazer, Gordon looked as he then held out a wad of cash. Taking hold of the money, the Freeman then began to count it.

“... Where in the hell did you get $200?”

“ **_I pickpocketed you._ **”

“... Seriously? You pickpocketed me long enough to get $200 dollars?”

“ **_You make it very easy, Mr. Freeman. Almost too easy._ **”

“If your employers don’t kill you, I will.” Gordon squinted his eyes at the other.

“ **_Oh,_ ** **_whatever_ ** **_shall I do?_ **” Amusingly responding, Gordon then inhaled and tried to curb his anger before stuffing the cash into his pocket.

“Okay sass-master, don’t make me break your nose again. Now let’s go. I think there was a diner about a mile up the main road.” Gordon began to lead the way, shaking off what sand was on his legs before making the trek to the nearest restaurant to eat. With the government man following after, the Freeman looked as the diner he spoke of was in view, and the only sounds that came out of him were his stomach aching for the taste of a meal. Except, the diner wasn’t truly a diner.

It was a jazz bar.  
  


“Well… still has food nonetheless, let’s go.” Gordon entered inside, as the pale man entered last, gazing around the establishment. It was surprisingly packed, for it being so early in the morning - or rather what they established to be early in the morning. As the mysterious man gazed at the clock on the wall, its hands were spinning, hardly giving him a clue upon what was the true time.

Was this a side effect of being in a place he wasn’t supposed to be?

Getting a table booth, the two sat down within the dim environment. As the waiter came to take their order, the Freeman ordered some appetizers and water, whilst the government man just ordered a scotch on the rocks.

“Drinking this early? Seriously?”

“ **_Time doesn’t exist in a place like this, Mr. Freeman._ **” The pale man stated and motioned to the clock on the wall, to which Gordon looked to the clock, seeing the hands spin out of control, with no care in the world. Humming to himself, the Freeman looked back to the government man across from him, as their drinks had been delivered.

Picking up the crystal glass, the G-man looked to the liquor within, seeing it caress the ice within as he swirled it. Sipping his water, Gordon continued to watch the other before looking as the lights dimmed more and the stage lit up, revealing a band that was ready to play.

As the audience got quiet, Freeman watched as the performance began. Opening his eyes upon the sound of music, the government man slowly turned his head towards that of the band on stage, lowering the glass of liquor from his lips. The song they played… gathered all of his attention, as the glass sat back onto the table, causing Gordon to look to the government man.

To see his attention focused on something other than him or an inanimate object, left a funny feeling deep within Gordon’s chest. As the singer spoke the lyrics of being alone or running away, the government man didn’t stir his attention, instead, subtly of what Gordon could see, the mysterious man was bobbing his head to the slow beat of the drums and piano.

It was surprising to the bearded scientist, as he couldn’t take his own attention away from the cryptic bureaucrat. In a way, he was just like him. War and time had gotten to him, weathered him down into the person he was today. He wondered if he should feel bad for the other - yet, that small part of him felt like the reason they were here in the first place was due to him. That this was punishment for ruining lives around him for his own gains - or rather the gains of his employers.

_Time moves slow.  
  
_

Soon, the Freeman’s forest-green eyes slowly drifted down to the pale man’s hand, which had begun to tap softly on the laminated wood, in time with the bass and cymbal of the drum. Gazing back up to the other’s face, the Freeman continued to watch the other, as if entranced with the way he looked while watching the performance. Once the song ended, so did the tapping of the G-man’s hand. And much to Gordon’s surprise…

Of the tears that filled the government man’s eyes, threatening to spill over.

As the crowd cheered to the nice performance, applauding the singer’s talent - the G-man moved his vision away back to the glass of liquor before him, moving to take a big swig to curb what emotion he had left. As the waiter dropped off the appetizers, Gordon couldn’t find it inside himself to move, as he witnessed something he never thought would happen.

Human nature of someone who wasn’t human.

Lightly venting in, Gordon then blinked as the government man finally took notice of him staring, setting his glass down. Opening his mouth to say something, the Freeman then stopped when the man before him removed his vision to gaze back to his liquor once more, finishing what was the last of it before waving for the waiter to make him another.

“... You shouldn’t get too drunk.”

“ **_And, Dr. Freeman? Why shouldn’t I_ **?”

“... Because I’m not going to haul your ass back to the burnt cabin if you do. That’s a mile trek.”

“ **_You’ve trekked longer, Dr. Freeman. Whilst carrying much more weight on your back. It should be no… problem, of yours._ **” Rolling his eyes, Gordon sighed and looked back to the stage, watching the band members hang out for a break.

“I had the H.E.V. suit for that. Made it much easier, believe me. Would be nice to suddenly come across it, if I could. I’d wear it in a heartbeat.”

“ **_And have it accentuate areas where it’s pointless to accentuate?_ **” 

“What?” Gordon blinked as the other simply took the freshly poured drink given to him, sipping it to avoid explaining what he meant. The G-man avoided eyesight as well, to which left Freeman to wonder what he was talking about. Accentuating what? It then hit him with realization, leaving the bearded scientist to heavily sigh and a warm blush to crawl along his face.  
  


“You’re drunk already. Alright, well, I need you to stay focused. How are we getting to Black Mesa with $200 dollars only?” Mostly talking to himself, Gordon looked around before eventually realizing he still didn’t get into the appetizers that were delivered to him and began to eat some, to settle his aching stomach with some fried goodness.

“ **_Did you not steal a car before, Mr. Freeman?_ **”

“Yes but I-- wait, how do you know that? Were you _spying_ on me?”

“ **_I am nothing short of an observer, Mr. Freeman._ **”

“Oh, right, I forgot. You like to watch what I do at every moment in my life. Like the creepy stalker you are. But that’s beside the point, I rather not get the police on my tail again, especially if I have to lug you around with me. You’ll just slow me down.”

“ **_Oh, Dr. Freeman, I’m_ ** **_hurt_ ** .” 

“ _Surprisingly_. I guess we could try and hitchhike again. There has to be someone in the nearby town that’s heading towards New Mexico. Hell, we’ll even take Colorado.” Gordon thought to himself as he ate, wondering if there were any truckers heading towards that of Colorado, or even simple civilians traveling through. 

“ **_Go big or go home, Dr. Freeman._ **”

“Has anyone told you that you get a thousand times more sassy and _annoying_ when you’re drunk?”

“ **_You assume someone talks to me._ **” Putting his face in his hands, Gordon groaned loudly before fixing his glasses and going back to eating. Once the appetizers were finished, and the Freeman deemed the G-man as finished with drinking, the Freeman stepped out of the jazz bar with the man, before pulling him in the opposite direction of where the cabin was.

“ **_What are you doing? I thought you wanted to go back to the cabin?_ **”

“No, we’re done with that place since you _burned it down_ . We’re going to walk to the next town over and hopefully, you’ll _sober up! Nngh!_ ” Trying to get the other to stand straight and stop putting his weight onto the Freeman, the bearded scientist sighed as the other groaned.

“ **_Why can’t we just… teleport?_ ** ”  
  


“G-man, I would _love_ for you to teleport us. But since you have no such power, we’re gonna do this the hard way.”

“ **_I can… still, teleport, you know. It may not seem so, but… yes, I can._ **”

“Okay then, do it. Teleport.”

“ **_... Here I go._ **”

“Okay. Go.”

“ **_... … … ... Poof._ **” 

“Oh _god_ , I’d take another Combine invasion other than this shit any day. Come on! Get a move on! Time to walk out your drunken stupor! Come on!” Getting a whine in response, Gordon kept pushing the other along the road, trying to prevent him from falling over in the process. It was quite the workout, as they barely got down the street that caused the Freeman to sweat profusely, just by keeping the other on the right track.

Which didn’t last very long. Soon, the bureaucratic man took a fall, sitting in the gutter. Sighing quietly, Gordon rubbed his face free of sweat, watching the government man curl up into a ball of some sort.

“ **_Just leave me alone to die._ **”

“How is it that when you’re drunk, it’s the _complete_ opposite of when you’re sober?!”

“ **_Don’t judge a book by its cover, Dr. Freeman… carry me._ **” Sighing quietly, Gordon threw his hands in the air.

“Fuck that, I’m not carrying you. We ought to get a hotel for you to crash in while you sleep off your drunken stupidness.” Gordon looked around before looking to the government man as he picked up tiny rocks and pebbles from the gutter to throw out into the road.

“ **_A gutter is like a hotel, Mr. Freeman. Dirty, and full of unmentionables._ **”

“How _strangely_ poetic but no. Get up.”

“ **_Carry me._ ** ”  
  


“I’m not fucking carrying you! What are you, five?”

“ **_Carry me and I’ll… sleep, in a hotel._ **”

“... Fine.” Gordon inhaled sharply as he moved over to the other, sitting him up and using what strength he had left to carry the other on his back. 

“You owe me big time.” Gordon huffed as he carried the bureaucratic man down the street. He wasn’t necessarily heavy, but it was certainly a strange sight if perhaps someone like Eli saw him like this. Carrying their mutual friend while he was excessively sassy and drunk. It would certainly be a sight to see - considering that this non-man was supposed to be his employer and deal in being a grunt for his dirty work.

“ ** _Mm, such a hard worker, Dr. Freeman._** **_My eh-eh-eh-employers perhaps picked the right man in the wrong place to make all the difference in the world._** ”

“Just shut up. You being so close to my ear and talking like that is making me want to drop you.”

“ **_Hm._ **” The G-man simply hummed as he stayed quiet, hanging onto the other as he was carried down the street. Soon, Gordon then stopped.

“By the way, if you vomit on me… I _will_ kill you.”

“ **_Then I suggest you hurry. Time isn’t forever, in your case._ **”

“Oh god.” Gordon vented in and began to walk once more, hoping to god that the non-man he carried wouldn’t dare get sick on him. As the two went down the street, the Freeman sighed in relief as he spotted a hotel in view. While it wasn’t the cleanest or modern, they weren’t going to stay there forever. Moving to the reception, the Freeman vented in as he rang the bell, sitting the bureaucrat down in a chair to give his back a rest. Once the receptionist came out to give Gordon a room, the two then looked as they heard a soft gurgle and heave to the side.

“... That costs extra.” The receptionist told Gordon, to which Freeman groaned heavily and paid extra to the man before going over to the government man who was too busy leaning over to vomit into a dead plant pot.

“Are you done?”

“ **_... Sure._ **” Instead, his face returned to the plant pot to continue what had started. Sighing heavily, the Freeman looked to the receptionist.

“Do you have an elevator?” Getting a shake of the head in response, Gordon groaned more and turned to the other.

“Then how about a _plastic bag_?” As the receptionist left the desk to get a plastic bag, Gordon looked to the government man, feeling like his life was made harder, and it could get a lot worse. Tying the bag around the cryptic man’s mouth and ears, Gordon picked up the man to carry on his back to walk up the stairs. Disgustingly, hearing the other empty his stomach into the bag, the Freeman walked up the stairs. Approaching the room they were to stay, Gordon took the key to open it before bringing the man inside and to the bathroom.

Setting him down onto the floor, the Freeman let the other take the bag off and properly vomit into the toilet instead before it got too full. Taking the bag and double knotting it, Gordon took it to throw into the hotel’s main trash chute before moving to go clean his hands. Shivering lightly in disgust, the bearded scientist cleaned his hands with soap and water, as well as a couple of pumps of sanitizer before eventually looking around the hotel room they had.

Wasn’t the worst, at least the bed was… somewhat cleaner than the rest. But to Gordon’s dismay…

It was a double bed.


	3. Resonance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk G-man is a good G-man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Resonance is a Black Mesa Xen soundtrack. Yes, I know, but I promise that it's not all Black Mesa Xen soundtracks these chapters are named after.

Lightly venting, Gordon stared to the ceiling as he laid on the bed, wondering what would happen this time, now that the G-man was here. Surely Black Mesa was preparing for the test, but would the samples get switched and the Resonance Cascade would continue as normal? What about the cryptic bureaucrat? He didn’t have his physical self there, so what would happen involving that? Hearing the door open, the Freeman then looked as the man he was thinking about was leaning against the door frame, holding his abdomen, seemingly exhausted.

“Finally done?”

“ **_... Don’t mention it._ ** ”

“You should drink some water, it’ll help with a hangover.”

“ **_I don’t want to drink any liquids, ever again._ ** ”

“And who’s fault is that?”

“ **_Don’t mock me._ ** ”

“Hey, I carried your vomit-induced ass all the way here, so the least you can do is humor me.” Gordon huffed as the other slowly made his way to the bed to lay on, letting out a soft vent as his stomach ached.

“I’m going downstairs to get some clothes.”

“ **_Why?_ ** ”

“I plan to shower, as these clothes are dusted with soot and burn holes. And depending on you, your suit will need to be cleaned. You got dried blood and what looks to be vomit on your blazer, so I’ll see if I can find you a dry cleaning place for that.”

“ **_You expect me to be naked, Dr. Freeman?_ ** ”

“God no. That’s the least I want to see. Just get some sleep and wear a towel in the meantime. I’ll come back for the suit once I find a place.” Moving to the door, Gordon took the key.  
  


Putting the key into his pocket, Gordon checked to see how much cash they had left, sighing as it wasn’t very much. They had a little over 130 dollars, thanks to G-man’s constant rounds of whiskey and the extra charge to the room for soiling the plant in the lobby. If he could find a thrift store nearby, it would be fine. The expensive charge would be the dry cleaning.

Moving downstairs, the Freeman left the hotel, looking down the street as he tried to find someplace that sold clothes. Heading down the road, Gordon looked as he found a dry cleaning place, not too far from where the hotel was. Deciding to head back to the room and collect the government man’s suit, the Freeman entered the room and looked as the pale man was just getting undressed, unbuttoning his dress shirt and loosening his tie.

“I found a dry cleaning place so hurry up and give me your suit.”

“ **_Don’t rush me, Dr. Freeman. I’m still a sick man._ ** ”

“Sick in the head is more like it,” Gordon mumbled lightly and closed the door some to allow the other some privacy. Crossing his arms, the Freeman listened to the other undress before looking as the door opened up and the suit was given to him.

“ **_If they ruin it, I will kill them._ ** ”

“Sure.” The bearded scientist then headed out to give the suit to the dry cleaners, hoping it wouldn’t cost a fortune. In any case, they might try and haggle with him to get him to pay more than he needed. Entering the shop, Gordon handed over the suit, venting in as they asked for 30. 

“Will it be ready today?”

“No, it's an extra charge if you want it today.”

“By how much?”

“It’ll be 50.”

“Oh god…  _ fine _ , I’ll pick it up tomorrow.” Giving the other 30 dollars, Gordon took his ticket and stuffed it into his pocket before moving out of the dry cleaners, and headed down the street to see if he could find a thrift store.

Managing to find one, the Freeman searched through the racks of clothes, picking out a simple gray T-shirt and some jeans that were his size. It certainly would be better than the clothes he had on now.

Heading back to the hotel room, Gordon used the key to enter, glancing to the pale man who was in a towel, and simply that. Sitting up some, the bureaucratic man looked to the clothes he had within his arms.

“ **_When will my suit be done?_ ** ”

“Tomorrow.”

“ **_Tomorrow? You expect me to be in a towel all night, Mr. Freeman?_ ** ” 

“It was going to be extra charge for it to be done today. Money that’s slowly dwindling away to nothing. $200 dollars barely gets you anywhere nowadays. So you’re just going to have to be patient like the rest of us.” Gordon told the other, before moving to the bathroom.

“ **_You couldn’t have bought clothes for me?_ ** ”

“Hey, be thankful I even was  _ willing _ to pay for your suit to be dry cleaned. Besides, I don’t even know your size. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m in desperate need of a shower.” Entering back into the bathroom, Gordon closed the door, letting out a heavy sigh as he got some quiet time. Moving to turn on the shower, Gordon began to undress, stepping into the shower once he was nude.

Relieved at the warm water, Gordon washed out the soot and leftover strands of hair from his head before cleaning his body with the cheap hotel soap. Once his body was cleaned free of sediment, grime, and soot did the Freeman linger in the warmth of the shower. Still, in the back of his mind, there was the thought of how to get back to Black Mesa. Hitchhiking seemed like their best option, as neither of them had ID to rent a car. The first time it worked, surely it could work again.

Once he was finished with his shower, Gordon dried himself off and looked at himself in the mirror. His body seemed to heal of its scars already, as most of them were faded. Well, the smaller ones, anyway. The larger ones were quite visible still. At least those scars were easily covered up by the clothes he put on. Drying his hair as much as possible with the towel, Gordon simply slicked it back with his fingers as he didn’t have a brush to do the job better for him.

“Good enough.” Exiting the bathroom and turning off the light, Gordon blinked as the G-man was already asleep on the double bed, taking up some space of what was to be the Freeman’s side. Sighing quietly, the bearded scientist simply ignored the other and went to lay on the couch to rest his body. Closing his green eyes, Gordon folded his hands on top of his abdomen.

“ **_... Hm… that’s too much Jell-O._ ** ”  
  


“ _ Jell-O?! _ ” Gordon whispered out loud as he opened his eyes and looked to the G-man who happened to be talking in his sleep. Perhaps alcohol hit him harder than any human who drank it. Lightly venting, the Freeman then returned to laying on the couch, sighing heavily as he didn’t know what to think of his life anymore. 

As the hours passed, Gordon lightly shifted in place as he felt a presence near him, causing him to open his eyes. Flinching back, the Freeman then groaned as the government man loomed over him.

“Jesus… what the hell are you doing?”

“ **_Observing. You were quite noisy in your sleep._ ** ”

“Can you like… not?”

“ **_Not… what?_ ** ”

“Never mind… What time is it? Wait, that’s right, we can’t tell time anymore. Since it’s getting dark, I assume it’s 6 or 7 right now.” Gordon rubbed at his eyes to free himself of sleep before glancing to the man who loomed over him.

“... Are you going to keep doing that?”

“ **_No._ ** ” The G-man then stood up straight, moving back to sit on the edge of the bed. 

“You said I was noisy in my sleep, what did you mean by that? Was I talking?”

“ **_... No, you were… screaming, Dr. Freeman. I assume a form of… paralysis and offered myself to be the demon that holds you down._ ** ”

“Okay, one: that’s fucking creepy to say. And two: what was I screaming about?”

“ **_Unintelligible noises. You weren’t making any sense._ ** ”

“Figures. But… that’s weird. I wasn’t dreaming. Are you sure you weren’t the one dreaming of me screaming?”

“ **_I don’t have dreams, Dr. Freeman. It’s simple… darkness, that keeps me subdued._ ** ” Sitting up from the couch, Gordon then looked as rain softly pattered against the windows of their room. Seems like a storm rolled in.  
  


“Fascinating.” Gordon drew out before lightly yawning as he was exhausted, eventually glancing at the half-naked, pale, creepy man on the bed.

“I assume you’re feeling better compared to earlier?”

“ **_Quite so._ ** ”

“Nothing like a good knock out of a nap to cure any alcohol poisoning. Still can’t believe someone like you drank that many. You should be dead right now.” Gordon stated as he moved to rub at his eyes once more, trying to wake his body up so he could process things better. He wanted to go back to sleep, after being rudely interrupted by the creepy cryptid who liked to observe him.

“ **_I suppose I can’t initially… die, by drinking 10 times the lethal dose._ ** ”

“Yeah, but it makes you sick off your rockers. And an insane drunk. Hell, you even compare to Barney in some cases.”

“ **_I’m sure we can put the differences behind us._ ** ”

“Ha, no way, I’m going to remind you of your drunken stupor to the day I die. You are the  _ complete _ opposite of yourself now when you’re drunk.”

“ **_I rather, eh… not be reminded, Mr. Freeman._ ** ”

“Don’t piss me off and we’ll be fine,” Gordon stated before yawning again and moving to get up.

“By the way, it’s your turn on the couch. I want the bed. You took over my side earlier.” Gordon then climbed into the bed, sighing as it felt way more comfortable than the old, dirty couch he was laying on before. 

“ **_Wouldn’t it be more simple in terms of… equally sharing the bed at the same ti--_ ** ”

“--Nope! Goodnight.” With that, Gordon took off his glasses and set it onto the night table, moving to shift into a more comfortable position, leaving the G-man to sit there in confusion.

“ **_What a strange individual._ ** ” The government man then got up from the bed and moved to the couch to sit on, venting as it was still warm from the Freeman’s body heat of being occupied previously.  As the night continued on and the rains dropped onto the land, Gordon shifted slightly as he felt a certain weight on him, grunting as whatever was behind him got a good enough hold on him. Sleep paralysis? Or perhaps…

"G-man."

" **_Hm?_ ** "

"Get the _hell_ off me."

" **_Embrace it, Dr. Freeman… it's more comfortable for the both of us to share the bed together._ ** "

"Oh, fuck my life… I didn't take someone like you to be a cuddler!"

" **_You've caught me at my most vulnerable._ ** "

"Ugh… you're lucky I'm too damn exhausted to fight you right now." Closing his eyes, Gordon yawned and tried to shift the other off of him some yet to no avail. It was strange - feeling the other's bare skin against his backside. It was a lot colder in temperature compared to what he might expect from perhaps Barney's body warmth. Was he just a dead corpse walking? Some super-mutated zombie? With a headache coming on, Gordon eventually cascaded into sleep once more, too exhausted to handle anything else for the night.

As morning arrived, the bureaucratic man blinked and glanced around the room, as it seemed Gordon had finally escaped his grasp. Sitting up, the government man then glanced at the clothes on the table. His suit - freshly dry-cleaned and looking better in color. It would appear that Gordon had gone out to retrieve it, yet where was he now? Deciding to get up and shower, it was then the bearded scientist entered the hotel room, carrying two cups that were filled with coffee.

Hearing the shower going, Gordon then set down one of the cups before moving to take a sip out of his own, thankfully warming up within the cold room. It wasn't very insulated, but what did he expect? This hotel was cheap to begin with, and they were only staying for a night. Soon, they would be back on the road, heading straight for Black Mesa, if they get lucky to snag a ride.

After some time, Gordon looked as the door to the bathroom opened, revealing the spiffed up, bureaucratic man, considerably looking ten years younger now that he had some rest and a shower for once. Slicking his hair back, the government man moved to button his shirt.

"I bought coffee."  
  


" **_Coffee._ ** "

"Yes, _coffee_. A man like me cannot function without it. You're even lucky that I'm talking to you this morning, considering the stunt you pulled last night."

" **_I do not know what you are referring to-- oh._ ** _**That** _ **_._ ** "

"Yes,  _ that. _ I am learning a lot of stuff about you, G-man. Stuff that I don't want to know." Gordon huffed and sipped his coffee to give his body that energy to take on the day, or rather handle what new information the mysterious man cared to throw at him.

" **_I was asleep, Dr. Freeman. Anything can… happen, in the time span of unconsciousness._ ** "

"...  _ Cuddler _ ." Gordon mumbled and mocked as he sipped his coffee, simply getting a huff from the other as he finished buttoning his shirt, moving to work on his tie. As he gazed to the other’s backside, the bearded scientist slowly lowered his cup of coffee before setting it down onto the table beside him. 

“So, I might have an idea that can get us to Black Mesa relatively fast. There’s a Greyhound station not too far from the hotel. Tickets for it might be cheap today, so if we can get as far as Colorado, I think we’ll be fine.” 

“ **_What happened with… getting hitchhiked? It will cost you nothing. You’re not being very… frugal, with your money, Mr. Freeman._ ** ”

“Okay, hotshot. Who’s the one who’s been pickpocketing me in the first place?”

“ **_That was a joke, Mr. Freeman. The money was my own._ ** ”

“Sure didn’t sound like a joke. Well, since you pissed me off, it’s mine, and I know how I spend it.” 

“ **_Before you start spending it on useless tickets, I shall get you a ride._ ** ”

“Really? And how are you going to do that?” Gordon huffed and sipped his coffee. Much to his surprise, as quickly as it came, he was on the road to Black Mesa, picked up by a trucker who was on his way to Utah. Sitting in the backseat, Gordon stared out to the road in front of him as G-man sat in the passenger seat.

“I can’t believe I witnessed something I didn’t want to see. From you. I am scarred for life.”  
  


“ **_You’re a scientist, Mr. Freeman. Surely you… experiment, every possible way to get your results._ ** ”

“Don’t compare Quantum Physics to your _sexual expression_!”

“ **_It got us a ride, did it not?_ ** ”

“Oh god, why did I end up with you in my care?” Rubbing his face, Gordon tried to shake the image of the stoic, government man giving this truck driver… he didn’t even want to say it. He wanted to ignore it and get straight back to business. They were on the road, at least. Looking out to the road ahead of them, the bearded scientist then moved over to the G-man’s seat, getting the other’s attention.

“I had a thought.”

“ **_Yes?_ ** ”

“When I was first dropped upon that shore, and I went back to Black Mesa, it was a crater in the ground. But when you dropped me in Chicago, back in time, and I went back to New Mexico, Black Mesa was there.”

“ **_Yes, perhaps time does that._ ** ”

“No, what I’m saying is… now that  _ you’re _ here… what does that entail for Black Mesa’s physical state? You said time doesn’t exist at the current moment - would time still exist for Black Mesa?”

“ **_I suppose you believe that... Black Mesa, is enduring it’s own… self-destruction at only a part state?_ ** ”

“What are we to expect in going there? Would the building exist, or is it another Schrödinger’s cat? Is it just a resonance of the past or upcoming future?” Gordon asked quietly, as to not disturb the truck driver’s singing to a country song. The bureaucratic man lightly looked around the outside world before turning his head to the bearded scientist who was over his shoulder.

“ **_If so, wouldn’t the whole world… be the same? They endured many downfalls in itself, since Black Mesa’s destruction. Surely we would see buildings in half or the population in dwindling numbers._ ** ” 

“... I didn’t think about that.”  
  


“ **_I understand where you’re coming from, Dr. Freeman. But perhaps… Black Mesa, is a controlled environment._ ** ”

“... Meaning?”

“ **_Nothing comes in… nothing, goes out._ ** ” Sitting back in his chair, Gordon thought quietly to himself, wondering if the cryptic bastard was right. Would make sense for the ‘coming in’ part - as he had been blocked by an invisible maze the second time he tried to stop himself from doing the test. Considerably, that was because of G-man’s transcendence. But now, what were they to expect? Half-destroyed Black Mesa? The same crater in the ground of what Barney told him?

As hours on the road passed, and they were just past the state-line of Idaho, the trucker decided to stop for a bite to eat, in which Gordon thought it was the best idea since they hadn’t had anything to eat to begin with. Sitting at a table in a truck stop's diner, G-man looked at the greasy food that Gordon ordered.

“ **_... I am surprised_ ** **_you’re_ ** **_not dead yet, Mr. Freeman. If this is what you eat on a daily basis._ ** ”

“I don’t eat this on a  _ daily _ basis. I barely eat to begin with. Besides, you destroyed basically what I had of a balanced diet back at the cabin. And what about you? Aren’t you going to help me eat this? If you can down alcohol, you can down some of this too.”

“ **_You’re willing to share?_ ** ”

“Do you _even_ get hungry?”

“ **_Suppressed by my transcendence._ ** ”

“Right. But right now, you don’t have that transcendence. You’re human - for the most part anyway - humans got to eat.” Gordon told the other as he took a french fry to nibble on. The government man blinked and glanced to the french fry that the bearded scientist had picked up before doing so himself, examining it. 

“ **_Consisting of starch and oil, hardly something I wish to put into my body._ ** ”

“Then order a salad. But you’re paying for it.”

“ **_Why would I want to ingest plants?_ ** ”  
  


“... You, are a cryptic, creepy child in the form of an old man. Don’t be picky.” Gordon narrowed his eyes before going to take a bite of his chicken sandwich. Glancing back to the fry, the government man narrowed his own eyes.

“ **_I don’t trust you._ ** ” He mostly said to the fry and dropped it back to the plastic basket with parchment paper. Gordon simply rolled his eyes and went back to eating. Well, more food for him - considerably so since he was hungry. Quietly sitting idly by, the government man glanced around the diner before looking at the scientist in front of him. As the Freeman ate, it was surprising to see him so clean in doing so.

His face wasn’t a mess, nor did he drop any food on himself like others were doing. Blinking lightly, Gordon looked up to the other once he finally caught him staring, sitting up straight.

“What?”

“ **_Hm…_ ** ”

_ You’re quite attractive when you eat. _


	4. Nihilist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon learns some pretty interesting things about the bureaucratic man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nihilist is a Black Mesa Xen soundtrack.

As Gordon finished his meal, the two decided to wait out by the truck for the driver to finish his own food, and perhaps stop chatting it up with the waitresses, prompting a stretch break for the bearded scientist. Letting out a groan, the Freeman then gave a heavy sigh. He was awfully exhausted, and he wouldn’t doubt another cup of coffee would be the key thing to keep him going. However, they were getting low on funds, now it was time to be frugal. Coffee wasn’t a necessary essential, despite his body feeling that it was. 

Crossing his arms, the G-man stood by the semi, looking at the various people that were coming in to get gasoline or a bite to eat. This is what he always had done - observe. He didn’t remember for how long, but if he couldn’t remember - then it was certainly awhile. Glancing over to the stretching scientist, the pale man uncrossed his arms. It felt… strange, observing him outside of the facility, or even in a pre-apocalyptic environment. He couldn’t recount how many times he watched Gordon from afar.

“ **_Dr. Freeman._ **”

“Whua?”

“ **_... During your survival at… Black Mesa, have you noticed me at every turn I have shown myself to you?_ **”

“... Uh… sometimes? I mean, it’s kind of hard to focus on something else when you’re fighting for your life. But during the quiet times, yeah, I noticed you. Why? Feeling bad now? You should be.” Gordon stated as he stretched before blinking at the government man’s silence. Then it hit him.

“Oh, you actually _do_ feel bad, don’t you?” Gordon stood up straight and looked to the pale man, watching the other go back to observing people.

“... What is the purpose of putting me through that? You said… back on the Borealis, where we fought… you said that I wasn’t the first. That I still exist because of you resetting my mistakes. That means that… in past moments, at Black Mesa or not even that, you reset the scene of where I went wrong.”

“ **_I remind you again that I have no recollection of that moment, Dr. Freeman. But yes, you could say I prevented your own… unforeseen consequences._ **”

“Isn’t that considered illegal to your employers? Don’t tamper with the specimen? If it fails, it fails?”

“ **_..._ **” 

“... Why did you do that? Why did you bring me back, over and over without letting them know? Am I special to you?”  
  


“ **_... Perhaps you are, Dr. Freeman. Perhaps you are special to me. But I for one cannot give you a… simplistic, answer that is the end-all to the end-all of your theory regarding myself. Since my transcendence is no longer at one point, I do not recall half the things I… observed, during your established final moments at Black Mesa._ **”

“What do you mean? Did I die over and over - which caused you to reset? In that effort, it reset your _own_ memory?”

“ **_There are… side effects, to resetting an entire time-space in the objection of departure from life._ **”

“So… you sacrificed parts of your memory to keep me alive?”

“ **_Quite so._ **” Blinking lightly, Gordon stood there in deep thought. Perhaps that was why he couldn’t remember what he said - upon earlier events on the Borealis, before he was subsequently killed - or critically wounded, seeing as he was still breathing and alive. He… couldn’t tell if that was actually a good thing or something he did for a hidden agenda. He was all about observing, correct? Why offer his hand in a time of need, at the cost of valuable data?

“... G-man, do you fear death?”

“ **_... What have I angered you with, now, Dr. Freeman?_ **”

“No no, I meant your feelings! Do you think about dying a lot?”

“ **_Death is of no concern of mine. Replacement is… available, should the need fall for it._ **”

“No, interloper, I mean the fact that at any time, at any place… that I have messed up… and you saw me die… did you grow a fear of it?” Gordon asked before looking as the truck driver came up to them, ready to hit the road finally. The government man simply ignored the Freeman’s question and climbed aboard, leaving the bearded scientist to heavily sigh and climb aboard as well. Looks like he wasn’t going to get his answer.

While on the road, the two hardly spoke, as Gordon was trying to figure out what to do once they arrived in Salt Lake City. He could try and find another willing civilian to give them a ride, however, there was no guarantee with that. He could see if they could get some bus tickets, yet… funds. Sighing heavily to himself, the Freeman then blinked as G-man climbed into the backseat with him.

“What are you doing?”

“ **_Sit upfront. I need rest._ **” Blinking lightly, Gordon then moved to sit in the passenger seat, glancing over his shoulder at the government man who laid down on the seat in the back, laying a hand over his abdomen. Was he sick again? Perhaps the long ride was getting to him - the Freeman wouldn’t doubt the other didn’t do this often, seeing how he had the power to appear in a place with lesser effort and quick timing.

Turning his head back to the dashboard in front of him, Gordon tried to think upon why the pale man didn’t answer his question earlier. Did he not have an answer, or did he not want to tell? It was unlikely that the government man would care for him, but with what he said… about saving him from the brink of death over and over - to a certain degree, he had a shred of humanity left. Perhaps it was the fact that he didn’t have his own essentials to life and needed dependency on someone else to survive.

With a headache coming on, Gordon eventually set his head back against the seat and closed his eyes, as he too was exhausted. With the rocking of the cabin in the truck, lulled the bearded scientist to sleep. And for once, he dreamed of something that wasn’t the usual nightmare of reliving the Black Mesa incident. Instead, he was at White Forest, happily celebrating his time of holding back the Striders and successfully launching the rocket to stop the superportal from getting to full strength. Barney was there, Kleiner was there, even Eli. His old friends, who celebrated along with him of their victory and survival. 

_Dr. Freeman… Dr. Freeman…_

“ **_Dr. Freeman._ **” Opening his eyes, Gordon tiredly gazed around before glancing up at the G-man who was touching his shoulder.

“ **_We have arrived._ **” Sitting up some, Gordon looked around the outside before humming as it was dark out and cold. Leaving the truck, the bearded scientist bid the driver goodbye, watching him drive away to deliver whatever goods he had in the trailer to the required destination nearby. 

“Jesus, it’s cold.” The Freeman crossed his arms in hopes to save himself some body heat, as the government man simply looked around, listening to the various insects that spoke into the night.

“ **_Shall we find a hotel?_ **”

“Hm… we don’t have that much money. And since we’re in Salt Lake, I have no idea how much rooms go for.” Lightly inhaling, the Freeman then hummed as he spotted a familiar car pulling into a gas station on the corner. Wait, same red detail and dusty texture… could it actually be?

“Come on.” He told the G-man as he moved to approach the car, finding a lady to be pumping gas whilst enjoying a Little Debbie. 

“... Larissa?”

Blinking at her name being called, the woman glanced to the two men approaching her before blinking in surprise. Gordon smiled as he thought she recognized him before blinking in surprise as she went straight up to G-man instead.

“Gordon! Why, it’s a surprise!” The government man blinked as the woman gave him a hug, causing him to freeze in place and glance to the Freeman.

“Uh… Larissa? I-I’m Gordon. Not him.” Stepping back, Larissa looked over the man she hugged before looking over to the real Gordon.

“Oh, coulda sworn this was ya. Ya looked familiar.”

“I was wearing this suit, that’s why.” Gordon lightly touched the flap of G-man’s suit before letting go, causing Larissa to giggle and recall the events that transpired long ago. Much to Gordon’s relief and amazement, she actually remembered what happened. Which was strange - shouldn’t have this been a new world? Was this the first sign of the effects of the transcendence?

“Well, little old me can’t tell 2 from 1 these days. So where ya been, sweetheart? Last time I heard of ya was dropping ya off back in Denver.”

“Yeah well… it’s a long story.”

“Ya sure like to tell long stories, Gordon. But I don’t mind. Gives me somethin’ to do. Who’s your friend?”

“Uh… this is… uhm… this is--”

“ **_\--Sergeant Mitchell. It’s a pleasure, Miss Larissa._ **” The government man held out his hand, to which Larissa grabbed it and shook it in greeting.

“Sergeant, ya say… well, consider little old me quite honored to meet a military man.” Larissa fluttered her eyes some before letting go of his hand once the gas pump dinged that it was finished. Gordon then looked to the government man and squinted his eyes, whispering.

“ _Mitchell’s your real name?_ ”

“ **_Fake name, Mr. Freeman. I simply stole it from someone else._ **”

“ _Ain’t that illegal?_ ”

“ **_No one cares about him, anyway._ **” The government man stated before Larissa came back over after putting the hose back and throwing her wrapper away.

“Well boys, I don’t suppose you’d be needin’ a ride somewhere?”

“Actually, Larissa, we were kind of hoping if maybe you have a room for us to occupy just for tonight.”

“Well sure! Why didn’t ya say so? We got plenty of room back at the farm. I’d be willing to help ya and your military friend! Come on, get in. Mr. Mitchell can sit upfront.” Larissa motioned for them to get into her small car, seemingly still named Betsy.  
  


Throughout the car ride, Gordon listened to Larissa talk, mostly to the G-man in some sense. Figures, she’d fall for the military guy. As they arrived at the small farm where Larissa was to take care of the horses, a small sense of ease washed over him. It was a nice, cozy little place to raise animals. 

“Well come on in, and make yourselves at home.” Entering the cozy home, Gordon glanced around, smiling at the southern ambiance. The government man glanced around the house as well before looking as Larissa closed the door behind them and took off her coat.

“Ya folks want somethin’ to eat? I can make some mean mash potatoes and steak?”

“Uh… that sounds wonderful, thank you.” Gordon smiled before watching Larissa head to the kitchen.

“There’s a room in the back ya can put your stuff in. Please take off your shoes beforehand though, I got these new floors in.” Nudging the government man, Gordon began to take off his shoes, walking only in his socks to see what the room looked like. Taking his time, the pale man hummed quietly as he explored the house somewhat, looking at the various knick-knacks of rusted, sculpted metal on the walls and pictures of sunny hills with a simple cabin or lake.

Surprisingly homely.

“ _G-man_ ,” Gordon whispered and beckoned him to the room, waiting for the other to enter. Once he did, the Freeman closed the door slightly before looking up to him.

“ _Okay, now Larissa’s a good friend so don’t get on her bad side_.”

“ **_How do you even know this woman, Dr. Freeman?_ **”

“ _Remember when you dropped me in the middle of Chicago? She’s the lady that helped me get to Black Mesa the majority of the way. And… well, if she knew you were the one who caused problems for me, she’ll probably kick your ass into next week._ ”

“ **_I assume you spoke a bad word about me._ **”

“ _Hell yeah, I did. After the shit you pulled? You should have expected me to at first glance._ ” Gordon stated before looking as Larissa called out for him, to get some help in grating the potatoes. 

“ _Just don’t break anything or make mention of who you really are_.” Gordon then moved to open the door and head to the kitchen to help Larissa with dinner. After all, she was helping him so much, he wouldn’t dare to deny help to her. The government man stood in the room before glancing around as there wasn’t much inside, apart from some unlit candles and pictures of what he presumed to be the reason this town was called Salt Lake City. It was then he noticed the bed.

It was also a double bed.  
  


Grating potatoes with Larissa, Gordon chuckled at the stories she told him while he was gone. Smiling at the story of one of her horses having a baby just years back. Healthy and growing and loving life. The Freeman finished grating a potato before moving on to grate another one.

“So how did ya come to meet Sergeant Mitchell?”

“Oh… uh… we met at work.”

“Really? A military man visited your work?”

“Well, he’s ex-military but he likes to think his title can still be put to good use.”

“An ex-military man is still military, Gordon. I am proud of those who serve our country.” Larissa stated as she put down the bare potato before moving to wash her hands and start boiling some water. Gordon hummed lightly before moving to get another potato to grate.

“I guess you’re right. I don’t suppose… you have a thing for military men.”

“Oh, Gordon… well, actually I admit, yes, I have a bit of a thing for those who’ve been in the army. I like men who are strong and brave, that’s why I said I’d marry my second husband.”

“Your husband is in the military?”

“Didn’t I say that before?”

“No…” Gordon shook his head and watched the woman put the pot of water onto the stove to start boiling it. Going back to grating the last of the potatoes, Larissa hummed lightly as she thought back to her past. In a way, she seemed saddened by the thought.

“He was deployed overseas a long time ago. I met him on my trip to Spain, where he was having a holiday. Somethin’ about him just made me click close to him. After several months of letters and talkin’ by postcards, he asked me to marry him. After we got married, he got deployed overseas again where… stuff went wrong and he no longer can ride these beautiful horses.” Stopping his grating, Gordon looked to the saddened woman.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Is he…?”

“No. He’s not dead. Just wounded. Which he believes is worse than death. He loved being in the military, serving his country, making people proud. It’s all he’s ever known. Now he’s adapting to his new life, teaching high school students shop.”

“Oh, that’s nice.”  
  


“At least he got employed despite being physically incapable of walking. Most don’t get that lucky, let alone walk out of the battlefield with their life.” Larissa stated before moving to prepare the skillet to cook the steaks on. Gordon thought deeply to himself, remembering the military men he killed back in Black Mesa. They had families, friends, wives, and husbands… without them knowing if they were coming home afterward. The Resonance Cascade was an entire mess.

“I’m sorry hun, I didn’t mean to make ya morbid.”

“No no, it’s alright. My condolences to your husband. I hope he still is enjoying life despite everything that happened.” Gordon lightly patted Larissa’s shoulder before moving to toss the peels of the potatoes away as they had no need for them. 

“Your such an angel, Gordon. By the way, what are you doing here in Salt Lake? I thought you were supposed to be in New Mexico?”

“ **_Dr. Freeman._ **” Gordon blinked as the two of them looked to the government man who stood in the doorway.

“ **_A word._ **”

“... I’ll be right back.” Gordon told Larissa before setting the peels down and moving to see what the government man wanted. Following the pale man over to the mantle of the fireplace, Gordon paused as he turned to him.

“ **_Perhaps it’s best not to state our reason for not being at… Black Mesa, nor of our return to it._ **”

“ _Why not?_ ” Gordon whispered before looking as the government man picked up a picture frame and showed it to him. Squinting his eyes at the picture, the bearded scientist blinked as he saw half of the picture to be of something completely different. 

“ **_You’re causing a paradox._ **”

“ _... Shit._ ”

“ **_Perhaps it’s better to avoid talking about… Black Mesa, all together, until we return to that point of origin._ **”

“ _I guess you’re right. But what am I supposed to tell her? She might prod._ ”

“ **_Change the subject, Dr. Freeman. It should be easy enough._ ** ” Quietly speaking to one another, Gordon then thought to himself before eventually turning to head back into the kitchen to help Larissa again with dinner. Looking back to the picture frame, the government man then moved to set it back into place, as not to disrupt the environment any more than needed.  
  


Perhaps it was time to really be careful.

As dinner was prepared, the three of them sat together, and Gordon was happily digging into the wonderful meal that Larissa had cooked. The government man simply looked at the potatoes, as it was simply starch and fat from the butter. Fascinatingly, it looked nothing like the french fry from earlier. In a different geometrical shape, but the same concept. 

“Not eatin’, hun?”

“Oh, he uh… he’s not too big on potatoes but he likes steak. Don’t you, _Mitchell_?” 

“ **_Quite so._ **”

“I can make ya somethin’ if ya want, maybe a salad or some Brussel sprouts, or maybe some asparagus.”

“ **_This will be fine._ **” Larissa hummed and went back to eating, causing Gordon to shoot the government man a look to at least start eating. Who knows, perhaps he’d like it, otherwise - it’d make him appear more human.

“Ya know, I have somethin’ just for this meal. Ya boys like whiskey?”

“ **_I’ll take one._ **” Gordon then shot him another look before inhaling.

“In moderation, please. We don’t want a repeat of yesterday.” Gordon told the other as the mysterious man simply hummed as Larissa got a couple of glasses.

“Gordon, ya having one?”

“Uh… no, I’m good. Someone has to stay sober around here.” Gordon told the older woman before nudging G-man to try the steak so he wasn’t just sitting there. Eventually, the pale man gave in and moved to eat so the other would leave him be. Odd to be eating meat from an animal. Has it really been that long since he had it? As the whiskey was poured and the government man relied on it to soothe his palate, the Freeman looked as it was starting to snow outside. Great, it’ll be hard trying to find someone to take them down to New Mexico. Unless, should they try the possibility of having Larissa take them?

Depending on the picture frames changing their original state, maybe that would be a bad idea. They could cause a paradox before even arriving.

“So where ya boys headed to?” Gordon paused his eating and blinked before humming in thought as he tried to think of a different place other than Black Mesa. Looking to the government man as he set down his fork, the Freeman then blushed immensely as G-man took hold of his hand.

“ **_Texas, to spend our honeymoon._ ** ”  
  


“ _What?!_ ”

“Oh my, I didn’t realize ya two were… like that. Well, my congratulations to ya both. When did ya get married?”

“ **_Quite some… time, ago. It was hard getting this one out of work._ **” The government man continued to hold Gordon’s hand, feeling the other’s body heat begin to rise due to embarrassment and shock. Soon, Freeman’s foot slammed down onto the other’s, to have him release his hand and to maintain his distance. The G-man soon let go, maintaining a stoic face despite the aching in his foot. 

“Yes… I work too much.”

“Well, ya two enjoy your time in Texas. Maybe try not to be up too late in the night, you wouldn’t want to spoil your appetite for each oth--”

“-- _Okay_ , it’s getting late, I think I should head to bed, we have a long journey in the morning.” Gordon then stood up from the table, stretching and pretending to yawn before eventually turning and escaping the dining room to head to the bedroom Larissa said they could occupy. The government man watched him leave before looking back to Larissa who simply giggled.

“Seems like he’s embarrassed.”

“ **_He shouldn’t be._ **”

“Well, sometimes people are like that. Act like they aren’t interested but want ya to keep lookin’ at them only. It’s cute.” Larissa smiled and got up from the table to clean the plates and put away what was left of dinner. The government man simply hummed and sipped the rest of his whiskey before getting up from the chair.

“ **_Goodnight._ **” He excused himself and moved to head towards the bedroom, entering inside and closing the door after himself. Soon, his face was met with a pillow.

“You _fucking_ dimwit! Why did you say that?!”

“ **_Keep your voice down, Dr. Freeman. Before she suspects something._ **”

“She’s already suspecting something! That you and I are… are… are--”

“-- **_Together._ **”

“We’re _not_ together! You are supposed to be a creepy, old observer, watching me from out of reach places while I fight for my life against a suppressive race!” 

“ **_I don’t see the problem, Dr. Freeman. Perhaps you could explain it to me as to why it’s considered a... bad thing, to be seen together with you._ ** ”  
  


“People are going to start treating us as a couple! We’re not! You are a complete nuisance to my life. I should have never accepted your offer to work for you.” Gordon sighed and gathered a pillow and one of the decorative blankets. 

“ **_Where are you going?_ **”

“I am not going to sleep within one inch of you. I’m going to the couch.”

“ **_... Stay, Freeman. I will go._ **” Pausing, the Freeman looked as the government man took hold of the pillow and sheet in his hands before quietly leaving the room. Venting in shakily, Gordon sat down onto the bed and stared to the door of where the G-man left from.

_What the hell is this?_


	5. Entangled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everything is as it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me, you're going to want to listen to Entangled from the Black Mesa Xen soundtrack. TRUST ME.

Lightly opening his eyes to the darkness of the room, Gordon felt uneasy with the silence. He expected to hear some faint breathing of some kind from the government man, instead - it was nothing but the sound of the snowfall outside his window. Sitting up, the bearded scientist lightly scratched at his bare chest, staring at the door that separated him from the corridor leading to the living room.

Slowly rising up from the bed, the Freeman approached the door silently, pressing his ear to the cold wood to see if he could hear anything. Green eyes darted within that darkness before Gordon eventually turned the handle and stepped out into the corridor. The sound of the fire crackling within the fireplace left Freeman’s footsteps to be muffled to some degree, as he glanced into the living room.

Blue eyes illuminated from the corner, as the light coming in from the window cascaded blue along the G-man’s rolled up sleeve and a sparkling glass of ice and whiskey. Stepping forward some, the Freeman then paused as he caught sight to the other staring at him through the darkness.

“ **_Couldn’t sleep, Mr. Freeman?_ ** ”

“... And you? Depending on that glass of liquor, I would say you couldn’t either.”

“ **_I have no requirement for doing so._ ** ” The government man’s voice was quiet, as no doubt Larissa was sleeping in her room, and even having a normal conversation would be considerably too loud. Gordon continued to stare at the other’s glowing eyes before glancing to the newly laminated floors.

“ **_Is there something on your mind, Mr. Freeman?_ ** ”

“... You didn’t try and come cuddle me in the middle of the night, so…”

“ **_Were you expecting my presence, then?_ ** ”

“... Don’t make this uncomfortable to talk about.”

“ **_I am quite… comfortable, in talking about anything, Mr. Freeman. It is you who feels the uncomfort. You expect me to… beat around the bush, regarding my true feelings or motivations for following you to… mmh,_ ** **_Black Mesa_ ** **_, but unfortunately I have no answer for you to… discuss. I apologize if my words make you uncomfortable but… the fault isn’t mine in the right mindset._ ** ”

“How can it, right? After all, you’re something completely different. You’re nothing like a human. You may look like one to some degree, talk like one to some degree, but we all know that you’re something completely different. Sacrificing your memory for me, putting yourself in far places, out of reach… it doesn’t make sense to me.”  
  


“ **_Elaborate, Dr. Freeman. What about me doesn’t make sense, to you?_ ** ”

“... I don’t know. Everything. Who you are, why you can do all these things, why you don’t fear death… what you said to me on the Borealis. I know you don’t remember what you said, but… there has to be something.” Gordon stated before watching the other finish the rest of his liquor before setting it down onto the coaster before rising up from his seat. As the darkness enveloped him, Gordon then watched as the man slowly stepped towards him.

Eyes were no longer glowing - the G-man appeared to the other within that dim light of the fireplace and from the outside world. His suit blazer wasn’t on him, and his tie was loosened but not discarded. Shirt sleeves rolled up his forearms, he looked like someone who came home from a long day at work. Blinking lightly, the Freeman watched as the government man stood before him. Standing together in silence, Gordon then glanced as the other slowly raised his hand to caress and hold with his own.

For the first time, Gordon felt the warm skin of the other, instead of the deadened cold he experienced before, at the hotel. Swallowing lightly, the Freeman watched as the other continued to touch and feel his hand, fingers slowly interlocking into a tight embrace with one another. Slowly gazing up to meet his eyes, the bearded scientist didn’t know what to expect of this action, yet hardly felt any intimidation or desire to pull away. 

As the fire continued to burn in the placeholder, the Freeman vented out softly as the government man lightly leaned to the other’s neck, nose lightly tracing along, and lips dragging across the skin. It wasn’t a kiss, but something more intimate than that - to Gordon’s perspective. Lightly inhaling, the bearded scientist slowly closed his eyes as he felt a certain part of himself drift away from the actions, unconsciously following the pale man’s pull to any direction he desired to take him in. 

Was he experiencing dissonance? Or something else entirely?

As part of his mind drifted back into reality, the Freeman found his nude body to be pressed against that of the other, within the small room that Larissa had given them to occupy. His hands were still caressed by the other’s, held as if he was a delicate subject. Subtle, hardly forceful, did the government man bring the other’s hands to his own bare chest. Inhaling shakily, Gordon felt the beat of his heart, dreamily as the pulsing buzzed along his hands. 

He felt like he was drugged, in some sense, but could see everything clearly, if not slowed down. The snow was frozen in place outside of what he could see, was he frozen in time along with the other? Is this what the government man sees when he freezes time? Opening his eyes to a wider slit, Gordon stared up at the other, as their eyes glowed within that faint darkness. Green met blue, and vice versa. His body practically drifted to the bed, as what he laid on didn’t even feel like material or state of matter. It was fluid, like he was adrift in sea. There were no waves however, no seagulls or splashing of water on his face, only the motions that his equilibrium believed him to be in the sea.

To the corners of his eyes, he could see Xenian fauna sprout flowers in the beautiful of blues and greens, with some vibrant reds and yellows, like stars in the night sky. He didn’t dare to move his own glowing eyes, as the one who loomed over him kept him entranced - dedicatedly hypnotizing; a dream. He felt his body get shifted, and he soon could see the room crack and collapse, before slowly drifting away to reveal that of a Xenian sky. Swirls of colors that he saw years ago, before he was employed to the pale man that laid behind him.

The border world at it’s most established peace.

Fauna drifted through that same space, blocking the starlight as they passed before returning the warmth to Freeman's face. His nervous system was calmed, his brain hardly sending signals to get his limbs moving. And in all effort, he could have sworn he felt his blood pumping throughout his body. 

“ **_What do you see…?_ ** ”

“ _... Entanglement…_ _Membranes… Singularities…_ ” 

“ **_What do you see, Dr. Freeman?_ ** ”

“ _... Your feelings for me. _ ” 

“ **_... And what can I expect of an answer from you?_ ** ”

“ _... Yes. _ ” With that said, Gordon vented in as he felt the other enter him from behind, his hands digging into the soil below before relaxing as the pain subsided as quickly as it had arrived. Once the movement of the other’s hips began, the Freeman couldn’t respond to the feeling. It wasn’t like anything he ever imagined - no definition of pleasure would ever accurately account for what he was truly feeling. 

Shakily and slowly reaching around to touch at the other’s hip, Gordon let out a soft grunt, mouth agape as he watched the environment in front of him. Slowly snaking his arms around the Freeman’s chest, the G-man kept his back pressed against his front, lips just mere inches away from his ear.

“ **_I have no desire to harm you. You could easily disregard this moment. I only wish to show you in some way possible to… accurately, discuss on an equal playing field, Dr. Freeman… of what you are to me._ ** ”

“ _ What are you… saying? _ ”

“ **_... My mistakes have cost you greatly. I simply wish to… repay you._ ** ” The government man blinked lightly as the other grunted to his motions of thrusting, his left hand grasping onto the pale man’s hip as his member slipped in deep to the Freeman’s opening. Moving his left hand up to Gordon’s chin, the G-man held him in place as Freeman’s pupils glowed the same blue of the government man’s.  
  


“ _ Repay me… _ ” Gordon repeated as he felt the veins in his arms run cold, then intensely hot as pleasure connected his brain to any lost memories that were discarded due to time. His time at M.I.T., his first step through Black Mesa… up to the moment of being left behind on the Borealis while Alyx was whisked away to safety. Tears escaped his eyes, and the Freeman felt himself reaching out to try and take her back away from the government man. 

Instead, his hand was taken by another alternate of G-man, drawing his vision towards the weathered but gentle face of the pale man, who ruptured into a blinding but gentle light. Gordon found himself to be upon the shore once more, finding his hand to be held by none other by the government man before that shore erupted back into the Xen border world, and what was presumably the transcendence - the swirling lights on the horizon - to dissipate in a mere star, a white dwarf. 

Nails then dug into the other’s hip as Gordon held on, before pleasure erupted into his frame, intensified by the ten-fold, which caused the bearded scientist to silently collapse into utter unconsciousness. The resonant sounds of the border world boids simply faded into nothingness along with the colors that spoke of life. His mind slowly drifted back to his body, yet there was nothing to process at the moment. Darkness, and then some.

Hearing the sound of a ticking clock, Gordon slowly opened his eyes to soft slits, gazing at the bedsheet below him before his body finally began to wake up from its deep sleep. Green eyes studied the fabric momentarily before the Freeman lightly shifted and rose to a sitting position, glancing to the government man who was getting dressed, working on making his tie look perfect. 

“... What did you do to me?”

Silently fixing his tie, the G-man then turned towards the man in the bed. Gordon watched him for the longest minute before looking down at his body, seeing that he was wearing something completely different than what he had on last night. Green eyes then slowly gazed at the pale man who approached the bed, softly sitting on the edge.

“ **_... Synchrony, Dr. Freeman. It would appear that you, among others_ ** **_like_ ** **_you, were oscillating apart from what was_ ** **_truly_ ** **_you. I realigned yourself into a more… readable, understanding state. How do you feel?_ ** ”

“... Like I slept for 20 years… but… actually had a good rest.”

“ **_Then it has worked for you._ ** ” 

“... So you and I… we--”

“ **_Quite so._ ** ” The G-man then watched as the Freeman hung his head, almost ashamed at the thought that he endured his own sexual expression with someone he  _ never _ thought he would experience it with. Still, in a way, Gordon felt like a whole person again. What he saw, or remembered seeing, was…  _ beautiful. _ Did the government man experience this on a daily basis, or to some degree of it?  
  


“... Thanks.” Gordon lifted his head to gaze up at the other, as the pale, mysterious man simply blinked and moved his head slightly to the side. The Freeman then slapped a hand onto the other’s shoulder, glaring at him. Blinking again in slight confusion, the G-man leaned forward when he was pulled towards the other.

“Next time… fucking prepare me first.” Pushing him away, the Freeman slowly stood as his lower regions felt sore, and moved to get dressed into the outfit he had on yesterday. The government man simply hummed and stood up from the bed, glancing at the other.

“ **_So I am to assume that you wish for something like that to happen again?_ ** ”

“Don’t rub it in.” Hearing a knock on the door, Gordon moved to open it, looking as Larissa was there. 

“Thought I heard ya two. I made breakfast if ya want some, before ya leave.”

“Uhm, thank you, but we should really get going. We were going to leave right at sunrise but… I guess I was way more tired than I thought. Thank you anyway, Larissa. I really owe you.” Gordon stated before looking as the G-man glanced over his shoulder at the woman.

“ **_We appreciate the hospitality._ ** ”

“Oh shucks, anythin’ for ya two. Glad I was able to help out a friend again. Ya’ll be careful headin’ down to Texas, I heard they got New Mexico all blocked off and the like.” Putting on his shirt, Gordon paused before glancing up to the government man momentarily before looking at Larissa to the surprising news.

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know, all I know is that they shut it down some time ago.” Quietly reflecting, Gordon lightly inhaled before nodding to Larissa.

“We’ll try to avoid the area then, thank you.” The Freeman watched as Larissa walked away before closing the door and glancing up to the government man. The two gazed at each other for the longest time before Gordon eventually let go of the door handle. 

“I think our paradox avoidance has been effortless. It’s just getting worse from here.”

“ **_There is no guarantee that this is a result of that, Dr. Freeman._ ** ”

“Why else would the  _ entire _ state of New Mexico be closed off?” Gordon then paused as silence filled the room they were in. Wait, why? The bearded scientist looked around before moving to a clock on the side table, causing the government man to gaze at him. 

“... This clock was working this morning. I heard it. When I first woke up, it was ticking. Now… it’s not.”  
  


“ **_... Are you suggesting that time around us has presumably stopped?_ ** ”

“Frozen. There’s a difference between being stopped and frozen.”

“ **_Explanation, Dr. Freeman. How are they different?_ ** ”

“Frozen means that it has a chance to start up again. Think of it as… like an ice cube, in the sense. Leave it for too long, it melts and becomes a different form of matter. Liquid. Liquid flows. Time flows back normally. But  _ stopped _ means that someone else has to actively  _ destroy _ what makes time flow. Constructing a barrier or some kind of shield. I mean, time isn’t entirely stopped - look around you. There’s birds flying around outside, light particles from the sun are still bouncing around to allow us to see.” Gordon motioned to the window that was beside the table.

“No matter where we go, the clocks have always been messed up - yet everyone goes about their day as if they hadn’t looked at a clock in their entire life. It’s all… uniform. Like this is some sort of…  _ set _ , like a play. A stage to act out events that were already prescripted.”

“ **_And we’re the characters._ ** ”

“... Is it too far-fetched to say that your employers have a hand in this? I mean… you were dropped on the shore of where your old cabin was. Why? It could have been any other place of significance for you - but you were dropped on the same shore I was. I think… we were meant to meet after all.” Gordon lowered his hands before approaching the government man.

“Now tell me, are you still denying that you want to go to Black Mesa? Besides just observing?”

“ **_..._ ** ”

“G-man, aren’t you at least a bit curious as to why we’re going through this? Why Alyx is so important to everyone, including the Vortigaunts?” Gordon lightly touched the other’s shoulder, leaving the pale man to wonder what this closeness was. He thought the other hated him - despised him for giving him the illusion of free choice. To work for him or die.

What was his purpose?

“... You don’t have to go. I can go by myself and see if… if something’s changed. While you can watch from afar like you always do--”

“-- **_I will go,_ ** ” Pausing his words, Gordon looked as the G-man glanced back at him before gazing slowly to the dog tags in his hand, “ **_You do not know what you are up against, Dr. Freeman._ ** ”

“... Then let’s get going.”  
  


As the two were ready to head out, bidding Larissa goodbye, Gordon was taken aback as she had handed him a briefcase, stating that he had left it behind the last time they met. The Freeman couldn’t recall ever leaving something such as that, before blinking as the item was taken off his hands by the mysterious man. Leaving Larissa’s farm, the bearded scientist looked as he carried it at his side, like he had originally done long ago.

“... Humor me but… did Larissa meet me, or did she meet you in the form of me? Because I don’t recall ever bringing a briefcase along on my travels.”

“ **_Nice to be in my position, isn’t it, Dr. Freeman?_ ** ”

“Wait a minute, you’re joking, right? Tell me you’re joking.” Gordon blinked as the government man simply cleared his throat and walked ahead, leaving the Freeman to wonder if he was a simple doppelgänger or if he really impersonated the government man to do his bidding on the side. Soon, the G-man then turned around to walk backward before smirking to the Freeman, before eventually turning back around to walk normally.

“... God, you’re creepy. Why couldn’t you have been a chipper, amusing, attractive individual? Like I dunno… one of the celebrities of my time.”

“ **_Unfortunately, Dr. Freeman, we all can’t have… blessings. Besides, I didn’t hear you… complaining, last night._ ** ”

“You read my thoughts?!”

“ **_Synchrony lets you in on any thought processes and secrets. It seems that the… bureaucratic _ ** **_fuckboy_ ** **_seems to be the culprit of getting you to... cascade, into immense pleasure, hm?_ ** ”

“Shut up!” Gordon couldn’t stop the blush that crawled over his face as he remembered how he felt. Surely sex wasn’t supposed to feel  _ that _ amazing. He felt drugged during that moment, but hell it felt like the best thing ever. Being pumped full of morphine after a hard fight didn’t compare. Which then reminded him…

“I sure miss my H.E.V. suit. How could you rip that away from me? I spent practically a day cleaning the damn thing out of hermits and sea urchins, and I only got one use out of it. Well, two, if you count the moments of being snapped back to the Borealis to fight to the death with you.”

“ **_The clothes you wear, Dr. Freeman, sometimes offers a lot of… tipping, of the scale towards success. You wouldn’t need your suit in Chicago, otherwise… well, let’s just say you wouldn’t get too far._ ** ” The government man walked with the other, as Gordon lightly curled his lips inward in annoyance. It was tiring, trekking everywhere on foot in just normal clothes. While his H.E.V. suit did wear and tear, it still offered a lot more comfort when walking vast distances.

“Don’t you ever get tired of wearing the same suit constantly?”  
  


“ **_It’s more than just a fashion statement, Mr. Freeman. It’s a living when looking this good._ ** ”

“I think you’ve observed me too much, I have too much influence in giving you humor. You’re starting to get my personality - quit it.” Gordon snorted lightly before looking at the other’s briefcase. Now it was a wonder if something was actually in there. It didn’t feel like anything was - when he first held it, but… would something actually be in there?

“So… what’s  _ actually _ in the briefcase?”

“ **_Confidential, Mr. Freeman._ ** ”

“You got porn in there, don’t you?” Gordon looked to him as the other simply avoided eyesight with him, causing the Freeman to paused in shock.

“Do you really?!”

“ **_It’s only your imagination, Mr. Freeman. I would like to… drop, the subject now._ ** ” The government man rustled with his tie to get it to stay in place as they walked, but more so from the slight embarrassment that the other would think he had that sort of thing. Would he? At this point, he didn’t remember the last time he opened his briefcase. It was more of a… comfort object, rather than a necessity to carry around. Still, that didn’t prevent Gordon from mocking or teasing the other for having  _ dastardly _ material in his possession.

As the two left Larissa’s acre farmhouse and land, it was clear that they would have needs for transportation. Like hell Gordon was going to walk all the way to New Mexico, with his sore…  _ unmentionables _ . Couldn’t have picked a good time to make walking much harder than it was without the H.E.V. suit. Where could it be if not back on the shore? Last time it washed up along with other supplies of the old world - City 17 and White Forest included. 

It also made him wonder where Eli’s Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator was, too. Was it possibly destroyed or were the G-man’s employers keeping a hold on it - studying it to their cold, dead hearts’ content? Or maybe it was in the possession of the Combine. To be honest, Gordon had a slight melancholic sensation wash over him. In a way, he  _ missed _ fighting alongside the resistance. Now, it just seemed like he was running place to place without so much as enduring true conflict. Maybe, this was  _ it _ .

That the fighting is over and he should just give in to the answers that won’t come to him.

What the G-man is or was, who are his employers, and why is Alyx so beneficial for them and the Vortigaunts. Sensing the other’s disparity in emotion, the government man lightly inhaled and hummed. It was true that he’s watched over Gordon from the very beginning - watching him dip and weave between possible death and life. He looked less beat up back then - because he  _ was _ less beat up back then.

A shower could clean the grime of the fight, but not the trauma.  
  


He watched his friends and coworkers die, then watched his allies in the resistance die. Watched Eli Vance’s death, and witnessed Alyx becoming… unfruitful as she dealt with her own trauma of her life-line being cut; leaving her to deal with the world on her shoulders against the oppressive race called the Combine. Then, practically witnessing his own death, by the hands of the mysterious man. 

He felt bad.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“ **_Hm?_ ** ” Focusing his eyesight some, the government man then realized Gordon was looking straight at him, obviously paused in their walk due to the long stare the other gave him. 

“You were staring at me again… were you thinking about why I’m so persistent?” Silence filled the air between them, as soon a thought - or rather a flashback - drifted into G-man’s mind. The moment in the jazz bar, where he watched the performers play a song that hit too close to home. 

“ **_You’re alone, aren’t you?_ ** ”

“What? No, I have you here.”

“ **_I mean, Dr. Freeman… you’re alone in this fight. All the deaths you endured, all the lives you carried on your back through… Black Mesa, including that of White Forest and the Borealis… how can you go on? With no support from anyone close to you?_ ** ” Quietly reflecting, Gordon didn’t expect to be hit with such a question. Was the G-man feeling the same way?

“... I’m not really truly alone. While it seems like it, I have friends that support and care about me. Who are willing to put their lives at risk just to save me - or put me in the right direction. Sure, I carried a lot of weight on my shoulders, regarding the Resonance Cascade or the Combine, but I always had help. People who gave me their spare ammo or medkits, or gave me vehicles to cross vast distances. It may seem like I wasn’t helped in a huge, beneficial way, but I was helped enough of what they had to give. To me… that’s more than enough.” Gordon glanced around their environment, watching the cars that passed by, or hearing the honks of impatient individuals. They were human and humans made mistakes.

“... Are you lonely, G-man?”

“ **_... Let’s drop the subject._ ** ” 

“You know, you avoid confrontation. Well, I think you _always_ avoided confrontation, I mean, you’re an observer but… I thought you said that you don’t get uncomfortable? Why should you ask me a question and it not be reciprocated? Are you… feeling bad about what I went through?”

“ **_And if I say yes? What will you do, Mr. Freeman?_ ** ”  
  
  


“... Maybe understand you a little more? You don’t have to be obsessively detached to your feelings you know. I held in a lot of anger towards you but maybe you actually talking to me about why you did the things you did will clear up some of that stress. But it’s like you said… you’re not remembering most of the stuff that went on. That’s why I wanted you to go to Black Mesa with me. To see if your memories would come back, and you can actually sound coherent.” Gordon told the other before moving out of the way to let pedestrians bypass them. After all, they were having a discussion in the middle of the sidewalk.

“ **_... I assume you are willing to help me?_ ** ”

“... Well, why wouldn’t I?”

“ **_You just said you were angry with me._ ** ”

“Angry is a softer example of saying I hate your guts but… it’s a little less now because… I dunno… maybe what you did last night opened _my own mind_ a bit. That not everything is as it seems.” Gordon lightly crossed his arms and looked down, a small blush creeping along his face as the sore pain in his lower regions reminded him once again of that… strange but endearing situation last night.

_ Not everything is as it seems. _


	6. Dimensionless Deepness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character development, amirite?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dimesionless Deepness is a Half-Life soundtrack.

After discussing the best way to get to New Mexico, Gordon decided he had enough of walking, and scrounge up what money he had left in his pockets to see the possibility of renting a car or buying a bus ticket. While stealing a car was the quickest and fastest, the Freeman wasn’t entirely sure about what would happen. He was lucky last time, to have avoided the cops, but now he wasn’t a one-man party. With G-man at his side, it was unclear if this guy would run if needed. Even walking beside him, Gordon tried to keep pace but didn’t exactly want to leave the slower one behind.

Weren’t they on a time schedule? 

Glancing to the clock inside the rental car establishment, the Freeman vented in lightly as the digital clock kept counting up and down. Looks like he would only have to depend on the Sun’s position in the sky. Glancing out the window as the G-man talked to one of the salespeople, Gordon hummed lightly as he measured how far the Sun was in the atmosphere. 

“Little less than noon. We’re making okay timing. If only I knew what damn day it is.” Gordon sighed before looking to the government man’s backside, as he leaned over a bit to see the information presented to him. Silently staring, the Freeman then flushed some before turning his head away. Why was he  _ now _ attractive? Any other time he was a complete nuisance to see. Now, the bearded scientist could hardly find time  _ not _ looking at him.

Hearing the sound of G-man opening his briefcase, the Freeman tried to get a good look inside before he closed it, huffing as all he saw was the corner of some papers. So he definitely had stuff in there - but what was on those papers were unconfirmed. Insurance? Doomsday plans? Or fiction works involving some pornographic individuals?

Who knew?

Watching the other come back over to where the Freeman was sitting, the G-man then sat down next to him, setting the briefcase on top of his lap, and his hands folded over the material. Ah, he had no intention of letting anyone see inside. Perhaps he was protective of it. Maybe  _ indeed _ it was his comfort object.

“So what did they say?”

“ **_Running information. Seeing if we are good candidates. Then eventually lend us a car to… use, in the meantime._ ** ”

“You had all the information they needed?”

“ **_Quite so._ ** ”  
  


“How? Don’t they need ID? Insurance and all that? Wait… don’t tell me. You stole it from your  _ fake _ character, Sergeant Mitchell.”

“ **_If you want results, Mr. Freeman, sometimes you have to… bend the rules._ ** ”

“Fuck you, you’re a genius.” Gordon crossed his arms and scoffed, quite impressed that the other had that information. Though, he should have expected it - considering he had a lot of files of the scientists and residents at Black Mesa when he first went back.

“Aren’t you  _ ever _ going to tell me what your real name is?” Rolling his head to look over at the bureaucrat, Gordon then blinked lightly as the G-man moved in close to his ear, lips practically touching his lobe. Was he really going to tell him? As the sound of the outside traffic went by, and the honks of horns emanated did the government man whisper to him.

“ **_No._ ** ”

“Oh, for god sakes.” Giving an unamused look, Gordon sneered at the other before pushing him back away from his ear as a tingling sensation crawled up his spine. As they sat there, G-man was then called over to the desk; Gordon hoped they validated his information and allowed him to rent out a car. Sure would be a hell of a lot better than walking. And also becoming criminals.

Soon, the pale man came back over to Gordon, dangling the keys from his hand. Grinning, the bearded scientist stood up to take them, before blinking as the other had blocked him.

“ **_I’m driving._ ** ”

“What? Since when do you driv-- when have you  _ ever _ drove?”

“ **_With you behind the wheel, Mr. Freeman - you put us at risk of killing us both. As I recall, you… fell asleep, at the wheel before._ ** ”

“How did you-- nevermind. At this point, I shouldn’t be surprised that you watched me during that time. Hell, you said you did. That little… _crow_ , that suicide-dived onto my car was your spy.” Gordon huffed as the two moved outside to the parking lot.

“So, which car are we?” The Freeman followed after the pale man, past different makes and models of cars before looking as the other pressed the key fob. A couple of vehicles down from where they were, a car had beeped from the frequency that traveled, causing Gordon to pause at the sight of what they were to ride in.

As the G-man approached the car door, opening up the driver’s side, he gazed up to Freeman as he just stood there, practically in shock. It was a luxury car, a 200- model Jaguar XJR, pristinely in the color black.

“... Now I get it.  _ Now _ I get why you don’t want me to drive. You _ sly son of a bitch. _ ”

“ **_Do you really expect me to drive in a Honda Civic, Mr. Freeman? Looking this good?_ ** ” The G-man shifted his tie a little closer to his neck before climbing into the driver’s seat. Gordon vented in before getting into the passenger side, looking at the nice interior. It still had that new car smell. 

“This has to be like… 700 dollars a day to rent out. How can we afford this?”

“ **_We’re not affording it, Mr. Freeman. We’re taking it._ ** ”

“... Sometimes, you really scare me.” Gordon closed the passenger side door before strapping himself in, unsure of what the other’s driving skills were like. The Freeman looked all around the car, and in the glove boxes. In all his life he never once been in a luxury car. Couldn’t afford it, all he could do was see it roll down the street in style. It was sleek black, with tinted windows, providing a sense of anonymity but with a hint of  _ meaning business _ . 

Sure fit the G-man’s style.

Once the bearded scientist was strapped in, he unconsciously gripped the door handle as they began moving, causing the government man to roll his eyes some to the other’s dramatization. He hadn’t even pulled out of the lot yet. Once the two were finally on the road, Gordon hummed lightly as he was in awe with how luxurious the interior was. Easily would cost him his entire tuition and then some from M.I.T. Sure he had a doctorate, but he wouldn’t call himself rich.

Maybe rich in experience.

“You know… maybe having you around _is_ something worthwhile, after all.”

“ **_Is that a compliment, Dr. Freeman? Am I getting on your…_ ** **_better_ ** **_side?_ ** ”

“Don’t push it,” Gordon warned, before curling his lips into an amused smile, deciding to look out the window to his side. As they passed by other cars, once established on the highway, it was clear that they were certainly head-turners. Maybe perhaps jealousy was on the rise for them. While luxury cars were stylish and nice, Gordon never saw the purpose to strive to get one. It still functioned the same as other cars - it was just prettier.

Certainly was a lot better than the last car he traveled in. As the Freeman fumbled with the radio, it was clear that something was indeed going on. Nothing but static came from the speakers, no matter what station he placed it on. Not wanting to get a headache, Gordon sighed and turned it off, crossing his arms and sitting back in his seat.

“I’ll never get to listen to Britney Spears.”

“ **_Who is Britney, and why do they feel the need to spear somebody?_ ** ”

“... Okay, let me out of this car, I’m walking. I can’t tell if you’re being serious or this is another one of your cryptic jokes.” Gordon shifted in his seat, almost prepared to unbuckle his seat belt and jump out of the car, despite being on the freeway. Of course, he wasn’t going to put himself in danger - but the option was there.

“ **_I suppose I should… hm, drop the subject._ ** ”

“Damn right.” Gordon crossed his arms and sat back in his seat again before yawning. He didn’t bother to look at the clock as he knew what he was going to see. A constant spinning of numbers. It was about noon when they left the rent-a-car place, and depending on what towns they were passing, it was going to be a long ride.

“Wake me up if something happens.” Reclining the seat some, Gordon shifted to get comfortable, as the government man simply hummed and glanced over to him.

“ **_Are you not going to be my… pair of eyes, Dr. Freeman?_ ** ”

“You got two of them already - use them. I’m exhausted.” Gordon waved him off and closed his eyes, hoping to get some lick of sleep before they would have to endure… whatever they needed to endure when arriving to New Mexico. Humming to himself in thought, the government man then focused his attention on the road, as this was the time where he had some silence. 

Watching the scenery change, the more distance they left the city, the G-man reached into his shirt to pull out the dog tags he carried with him all during this time. Glancing down to them, deep blue eyes slowly read over the engraving before his thumb covered up his name. Stuffing the tags back into his shirt as he no longer wished to look at them, the government man wondered about his own point-of-origin. 

As the hours passed and the Sun started to descend, Gordon woke up to a few bumps in the road, before feeling the car’s ambiance to stop and the key in the ignition to turn off. Slowly sitting up, the Freeman looked over to the government man, wondering where they were as he was still half-asleep. He sported a cow-lick, strands of hair sticking straight up from the way he slept.

“Where are we?”

“ **_A place called Moab._ ** ”

“Why are we here?” Gordon lightly rubbed his face before gazing around the area they were in. Not much but a little town. Ah, it would appear they have stopped at a gas station. Figures, they did cross a vast distance in the few hours, and perhaps this luxury car wasn’t the most reliable for gas mileage. 

“Oh,” Gordon simply responded before looking as the G-man pointed over to the convenience store, “What? Oh right, I’ll go pay for it.” Getting out of the car, the Freeman tried to see how much he could get with 15 dollars, along with what snacks they might have. It had been some time since they last ate, and this was going to be a long trip. They weren’t even halfway there.

Stretching his limbs, Gordon then closed the door and moved to head inside the store to pay for gas and snacks. What would the government man like? Surely nothing involving potatoes. What did he have against them, anyway? Softly inhaling, the Freeman took some breakfast bars and water before heading to pay for them at the register. Glancing to the shelf behind the seller, the bearded scientist looked at the various alcohols on them, humming to himself.

Sitting in the car, the G-man removed his suit blazer to be a bit more comfortable, undoing the cufflinks of his shirt to roll up his sleeves. Setting his blazer in the backseat, the pale man loosened his tie before blinking as a knock came to his window. Looking over to spot Gordon on the other side, the mysterious man rolled down the window, glancing at the bottle of whiskey that was shown to him.

“Here.”

“ **_... But I’m driving._ ** ”

“Not anymore, it’s my turn now. At least once in my life, I should experience luxury at it’s finest. Scoot.” Gordon set the bottle in the other’s hand before moving to pump the gas. Staring at the bottle in his hand, the government man simply gave an amusing hum before eventually stepping out of the vehicle from the driver’s side, closing the door after himself.

“ **_Try not to kill us._ ** ”

“Can’t make any promises,” Gordon smirked before placing the nozzle into the gas cap, watching the numbers start to count up as the government man moved over to the passenger side of the vehicle to sit. Looking at the bottle again, the mysterious, cryptic man examined the label before eventually opening the cap, smelling the contents first before taking a swig straight from the bottle itself. They had no glasses or cups to use, so improvisation was key.

As the pump stopped delivering gas, Gordon returned the hose and nozzle to the station, climbing into the driver’s seat. Glancing to the government man, the Freeman couldn’t help but smirk again as he got into it already.

“Just so you know, we’re out of money now. So make it last.”

“ **_Then why did you feel the need to... buy this, for me?_ ** ”

“Well, you don’t eat any real food, and it seems like alcohol is your only friend. The only thing I ask is you don’t finish all of it. And maybe keep your head out the window for the majority of the ride. I just hope we don’t get stopped by police before we make it to New Mexico. If they see you drunk off your rockers, we’ll spend a night in jail.” Gordon turned the key in the ignition to start up the car before strapping himself in, getting a feel for the vehicle.  
  


As the two got back on the road, Gordon was only relieved that the blazing sun had finally dipped below the horizon, providing some relief of the temperature as they were entering more of the desert areas, rather than the flatlands. Taking another swig of the whiskey, the government man hummed lightly as he was enjoying the buzz, looking out to the scenery, keeping the window rolled down to let the wind rustle his hair.

“ **_I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet… a pawn and a king..._ ** ” Blinking lightly, Gordon looked over to the government man as he began to sing. Singing? Since when did he-- oh, perhaps the whiskey was kicking in. Deciding not to comment, the Freeman let the other do what he must - at least it wasn’t unpleasant to hear. For once his creepy voice sounded naturally peaceful.

“ **_I've been up and down and over and out… And I know one thing..._ ** ” Taking another swig of the whiskey, the government man lightly shook his head after he downed it, as his vision was getting dreamy, as everything started to wisp around no matter where he looked. Lightly tapping his foot on the floor of the car, G-man’s voice began to get a bit louder, and he started to motion with feeling, gripping onto the neck of the whiskey bottle.

“ **_Each time I find myself, laying flat on my face… I just pick myself... up and get... back... in the race…!_ ** ”  Motioning more, the government man then closed his eyes and raised his arms in enunciation.

“ **_That’s life! … That’s life! And I can’t deny it! Many times, I thought of cutting out but my heart won’t buy it! But if there’s nothing shakin’ come this here July…!_ ** ” Pausing, the G-man vented in before finishing his lyrics.

“ **_I’m gonna roll myself up… in a big ball… and die…! My… my…_ ** ” Finishing the lyrics, the government man then thumped his forehead against that of the door of where the window came up, as silence filled the interior of the vehicle, despite the wind whistling as they drove. Glancing over to the other, the Freeman lightly inhaled before returning his vision to the road in front of him as the G-man raised his head with a small grunt of drunken stupor. Sitting properly in his seat, the bureaucrat then glanced over to Gordon.

“ **_... I’m sure you’re quite… adverse, to my presence, Mr. Freeman. It’s not good to deny it._ ** ”

“... Seems like you’ve got some hidden adversaries of your own, G-man.” Glancing to the bottle that was gripped in his hand, the G-man then unbuckled his seatbelt, climbing out of the window some, causing Gordon to swerve a little at the shocking motion. He reached and grabbed onto the other’s belt, yelling as he tried to keep him from falling out, while also making sure they didn’t crash.

“What the hell are you doing?! Get back in here before you get yourself killed!” Staring to the bottle in his hand, the G-man sneered angrily before throwing it behind the car, watching the glass shatter as it hit the asphalt, and the rest of the liquor to seep out. Staring to the horizon as the wind rushed by his body, the G-man soon tuned in to Gordon yelling at him to get back in the car. Slowly raising his arm, the government man then saluted, squinting his eyes a little as his clothes rustled from the breeze.

“G-man!” Calling out to the other, Gordon vented in as the government man slowly climbed back into the car, letting go of his belt. Returning his hands to the steering wheel, the Freeman sighed in relief as the other strapped himself in again.

“What the hell were you thinking? You scared the living shit out of me! I thought you were going to kill yourself! Don’t ever do that to me again, you complete dunce!” 

“ **_Freeman…_ ** ”

“What if you fell out and snapped your neck or split your skull open?! Don’t forget you’re human at the moment! You can’t come back from that! Then I would have to go to Black Mesa by myself, and see if your transcendence is still there! You could have caused a paradox!”

“ **_Gordon!_ ** ” Yelling back to get the other to stop, the government man sat there in silence with him before eventually inhaling and rolling up the window.

“ **_It’s all in the past now. We move on._ ** ” Gripping onto the dash, the government man grunted as Gordon hit the breaks, pulling off to the side of the road, causing the tires to kick up dust. Turning towards the other, the Freeman glared at him. It wasn’t with anger however but rather fear.

“I can’t bear to witness another death of someone I care about, okay?! Death has become a theme for me, and I would rather not continue it!” Yelling at the other, the Freeman vented in as his heart was pulsating rapidly, etched in anxiety and turmoil of what might happen should this interloper die. Would the world collapse? Would things be forever in perpetual repetition of time? Gordon didn’t want to find out. Staring to the other, the G-man watched as Gordon’s face was illuminated momentarily by a passing car’s headlights.

Within that split second of light illuminating his face, and the outside sky to turn a deep purple and vibrant orange, the G-man studied the other - intently. How could one man make him feel so different? Deep blue eyes lightly focused on green, before those blue eyes soon illuminated to a desirable glow, as the government man soon pulled Gordon into a passionate, needing kiss. 

The bearded scientist was taken aback, but only momentarily as he too pressed back into the same kiss, hands moving to grip onto the other’s collar and loosened tie to pull him much closer. Moving his hand to take hold of the gear shift, the G-man placed it in park before tugging the other into the backseat, returning the passionate kisses to his lips. Pressing him down into the seat, the bureaucrat soon undid his belt and pants, nudging for Gordon to do the same. While the vehicle was still on, the two of them didn’t bother to turn off the engine, as their headlights provided a bit of light for them to see each other.

Nude, and unafraid, Gordon tilted his head back as the other entered him, nails digging into the man’s back as he still felt sore from the previous night. Still, there was the want, the  _ need _ even, to feel the government man inside him. Thankfully that thirst was quenched, as the G-man soon rolled his hips into the other. There was no synchrony this time, yet… in a way, Gordon was still experiencing the similar effects of what happened.  
  


Xenian flora began to dot the ceiling of the car, unfolding into wonderful, colorful flowers and plants that glowed a gentle blue. Pupils glowed the same color, surrounded by green, as the Freeman’s mouth was agape and fluttering breaths of pleasure escaped his throat. Closing his eyes, the G-man grunted as he thrust his member into the other, stuffing his face into Gordon’s neck as he too couldn’t believe the unimaginable pleasure that rocked through him. Closing his eyes to a slit, the scientist wrapped his arms around the other’s back, touching the warm, bare skin. Much to his surprise, something else filled his mind.

It was music.

It was fluid, ethereal even - something he hadn’t heard before. Could the other be experiencing the same thing? Or was it just him? As the vehicle lightly shifted to their motions, the G-man then lightly pressed his lips to the other’s ear, lingering.

“ **_Do you hear it…?_ ** ”

“ _Yes…_ _Oh_ ** _god_** _, yes…_ ” Opening his eyes a bit wider, the Freeman shivered as it felt like the music was getting louder even, but hardly wanted him to go deaf. It was a gentle loudness, a lullaby perhaps. Glowing pupils darted here and there at the ceiling of the car’s interior, watching the Xenian flora lightly sway as if they were drifting through water. Raising his head, the G-man caught the other to look at him, as more of the flora sprouted around him, forming some sort of frame or outline. Rocking into the other, the government man softened his expression.

“ **_I am in love with you…_ ** ”

“ _ D-Don’t… tell me that… I can’t… I can’t get attached… _ ”

“ **_Why not…?_ ** ”

“ _... Because if you die, I will too… _ ” Venting out, Gordon closed his eyes as the other leaned down to kiss him passionately, aiming to roll his hips at a better angle to induce more pleasure for the both of them. Despite cars passing by on the highway, none of them thought to check up on what might be going on within that luxury vehicle by the side of the road. Perhaps, a good thing. As the two who occupied the inside didn’t wish to be disturbed. On the outside, it appeared like nothing, but on the inside, it was clear - the intimacy between them wasn’t something to be forgot.

Tilting his head back some more, Gordon called out in almost a choking manner as the G-man slammed his hips up and into the other, their skin smacking in an enticing way. Enticing to hear more, and to bring their unspeakable pleasure to a full volume. What were his acquaintances to think? If they knew Gordon was with their mutual friend in such a way? Disgusted, confused, betrayed? It felt scandalous; even if no soul was around, it still felt risky as they could be watched. By who - it didn’t matter. They were all the same. This relationship, this closeness they had - were entirely different than before.

G-man was an observer, and Gordon - a client.  
  


The high had only just begun to peak, as the building pressure in his lower abdomen spoke of less time to endure any more pleasure they had left to give. The G-man pressed the other down with his body, face pressed into Gordon’s right shoulder as he concentrated the roll of his hips into the bearded scientist. The soreness returned for some parts, as the first time was only just 24 hours earlier, yet dissipated as the Freeman’s mind wandered back into the familiar territory of ecstasy. 

At this point, the entire interior of the vehicle was decorated with various flora - light particles drifting in and out of existence, providing the same ethereal ambiance that the music in their heads delivered. Another hand came to rest upon the curve of the scientist’s back, almost desperate to keep their pleasure going, despite their bodies screaming for release.

“ _ G-G… man… _ ”   
  
  
“ **_Gordon…_ ** ” Choking out some, the Freeman couldn’t hold on for any longer, as if the cliff he hung onto for hours on end finally made his body give up and fall into the sea of pleasure. It came as a slow build-up, yet released faster with time, leaving Gordon’s nervous systems to simply… collapse, at a quick moment. He felt shaky, weak, unreliable in a fight should they be thrown into one after this - until his brain decided to provide the sensation back into his frame, allowing him to grip onto G-man with such force due to adrenaline. 

It was different for the government man; his pleasure came at a quick high, cascading into a slow, rumbling low, almost as if he could lead straight into another build up if needed or wanted. He twitched, shivered, flinched as his own systems begged for more energy to function. Eyes felt heavy, limbs felt weary and weak, as if they hadn’t been used in years or practical decades. How could Freeman make him like this? To deliver such an experience? What made him so special?

Slowly, patiently, the two remained in the same position for a likelihood of 3 minutes, yet the state they were in felt like 3 hours. Toes curled to get their sensation back and to remind the brain that they still had a body to control over. There was no need for moans, no need for auditory reassurance to show what they have done was the greatest in their lives. Instead, heavy breathing was all that remained, and the sound of their heart pumping within their ears.

The music was no longer heard, faded out of that existence and environment, but not without a gentle end. Gordon slowly opened his eyes, pupils no longer glowing that lavish blue of his counterpart’s; he had been returned to normal. Slowly shifting to sit on his forearms, the bearded scientist watched the G-man slowly loom up and over the other, staring down at him with a softness unlike he’s ever given. Compassion, intimacy, dedication.

_ Love. _

As the dark of the night shielded much of their naked bodies, their faces were illuminated by the headlights that were still currently on, and the engine promptly still running with life. Tenderly rubbing down the other’s arms, Gordon then closed his eyes as G-man pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before lingering just mere inches from them.   
  


“ **_Time is of the essence, Dr. Freeman…_ ** ”

“... Gordon. You can call me Gordon.” The government man blinked lightly to the change of tone and title from the other, as several days prior, he was beaten up aimlessly upon the shore he was dropped upon, as the other had no intention to have him around, nor call him by his first name. Lightly curling his lips into a subtle, small yet gentle smile, the government man then leaned in for another kiss.

_ Gordon. _


	7. Triage at Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, he needs some milk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't recommend listening to Triage at Dawn from the Half-Life 2 soundtrack if you're prone to crying from it.

It was the dead of night. The pitch darkness that surrounded them was unnerving to say at the least - despite the sky being clear and the moon to shine down from high in the atmosphere. No stars came out to greet them, to provide them a path of ease. While at first he denied the G-man from driving again- due to his previous drunken stupor, Gordon eventually gave up as the other insisted. Falling asleep at the wheel was one thing - but being drunk behind it was another.

Gordon kept himself awake, snacking on a cereal bar just to provide himself some energy should they be caught in a dangerous situation. They were out in the middle of nowhere, and the small towns they passed by didn’t offer much for a hospital should they need assistance. However, some of these signs were practically scratched out - preventing anyone from knowing just who lived in the towns they drove through, or what was the history behind them. 

The Freeman couldn’t help but glance over to the bureaucratic man, face full of a gentle blush due to the pleasure that lingered in his body. While it wasn’t like the first time, something about this time made the bearded scientist’s heart pulsate rapidly. He remembered the words that the other said, of being in love with him. He never thought that would come out of the pale man’s mouth -  _ ever. _ It was always cryptic speeches of maintaining his focus on the mission or him warning Gordon of his diverted attention towards Alyx Vance. As he remembered, Alyx had a file - incorporating her into a project. With that project, came the process of getting her to ensure the survival of the race.

Just what race?

A dead race that he was trying to revive or was it something entirely different? A mutation or difference, with vast intelligence that would surpass his own? Didn’t Breen mention this before? The Combine was a powerful, intergalactic empire - but even they couldn’t catch onto teleportation technology that was instantaneous like the resistance had. 

“ **_You’re scowling again, Mr. Freeman._ ** ”

“... I’m thinking, that’s why. I’m a scientist. A theoretical physicist. I  _ have _ to think.”

“ **_And what must you think, Gordon?_ ** ”

“... If you intended to work alongside the Combine with Alyx as a repatriate.” 

“ **_... Am I to assume that you don’t trust me, again?_ ** ”

“... I mean… It's complicated. I feel like I can’t trust anyone. It’s of no blame to Alyx that she left me behind to be in your care, I mean… trauma makes you do and think stupid things.”  
  


“ **_To bring you another form of data, Mr. Freeman - I had no intention of putting Miss Vance in clear view of the Combine. She is but a… well, someone who’s in the wrong place at the right time. I have watched over her since extracting her, and she has shown much… potential, to tie in with my own… necessities._ ** ”

“English, please.” Gordon sighed and leaned against the seat to save his back from the aches just an hour earlier. He avoided staring out the windshield, almost in fear of seeing something stare back at him. What it was - he didn’t know. That overwhelming anxiety of seeing something he didn’t want to, despite not knowing what he didn’t want to see. Overreaction to fear.

“ **_That’s about as clear as I can get, Gordon._ ** ”

“... So if she’s so important to you, what was the focus of the answer towards leaving  _ me _ behind?”

“ **_If you remember, my eh-eh-eh-employers are the ones who chose you, Mr. Freeman. I had no say in the matter. Alyx Vance was my own… personal choice. Despite being denied that she was anything but a simple… hindrance._ ** ”

“... Tell me if I get this wrong but… it sounds like you chose Alyx as a form of a backup. If I failed your employers’ success ratings, she was going to be my replacement so you don’t get the underside of their foot. She has all the skills you want, probably much more valuable to you than originally anticipated. I became obsolete. I was doing more harm than good.” Finally glancing out the window, the Freeman saw his reflection in the glass, venting in as a sensation of doom came over him. Why did he feel that way? 

“ **_You and Miss Vance are different, Gordon. You both provide different… attributions, dedicated to their own path. Miss Vance has her own path to delve into, and you had yours. There is no competition between the barriers. No one has greater intelligence over the other… no one has greater skills over the other - simply put, you are you. And she is herself. Comparison gets you no results. Collective research does._ ** ”

“So you’re examining us both. But not comparing us to see who’s the best at doing this or that.”

“ **_In Layman’s terms - yes._ ** ”

“But why? This is starting to act like… I dunno, like how they used to do a Census for people. Maybe it’s not the exact same thing but… what are you doing with the data of examinations? Are you grouping us with other individuals who did the same things I or even she did? And in effort, distributing more attention to those who surprise you?” Quietly inhaling, the government man lightly shifted in his seat before glancing at the other in the passenger seat. Deep blue eyes held no anger, no remorse but neutrality.

“ **_It’s much more complicated than that, Gordon. And sometimes information is… lesser-known, should my eh-eh-eh-employers don’t feel the need to tell even me._ ** ”  
  


“... My brain hurts. I feel like my IQ dropped by 20 points.” Inhaling and closing his eyes, Gordon lightly cupped his face, squishing his cheeks lightly as he was exhausted. It was hard to pinpoint the exact answer to why his employers were gathering great minds and why Alyx is seemingly the main person to discuss about. 

“On the Borealis… you said that Alyx was to ensure survival of the race. The thing that gets me is…  _ which _ race? The human race? The Combine?  _ Your  _ race? Your  _ employers’ _ race? Is there like… some...  _ point _ of similarity between all of them?”

“ **_Confidentiality, Mr. Freeman._ ** ”

“You’re not allowed to tell me, then.”

“ **_Abiding by restrictions._ ** ” The government man simply spoke, maintaining his focus on the road ahead. Gordon inhaled lightly and rubbed the back of his neck before leaning it against the headrest of his seat. That cereal bar wasn’t doing much to keep his psyche functioning properly to make sense of what even  _ he _ was saying. If that even made sense.

“This is… too much for me. I just thought that… maybe having a job at Black Mesa would keep me busy.  _ Good _ busy. Putting my doctorate to good use, putting my thesis to good use - studying the resonance of crystals with an appropriate atomic number. Teleportation… I wanted to _ fucking _ know about teleportation.” Exhaustively speaking, Gordon took off his glasses.

“I don’t know why I-I-I… why I _fucking_ love science so much. What caused me to get so heavily invested in it - to dedicate my life to it. Life’s greatest questions… I’m sure they’re right in front of me, but my mind can’t even comprehend it because it’s not in a form designed to be easily announced. I have to… pick it apart, like it’s meat on a bone but that meat is so…  _ intricately _ designed that one false step could put me back at square one. Nobody wants to fucking do that. But I do!” Gordon furrowed his brow as he fought with himself, crossing his arms and staring up at the ceiling of the luxury car’s interior.

“... Breen mentioned the same thing, when I was in the Citadel. Who filled my mind when I was young - to pursue the scientific field and my career at Black Mesa. I guess you were right in a way, G-man… I went for my acquaintances, rather than myself. I guess that decision is biting me in the ass.” As silence filled the air between them, Gordon then softly vented air out his nose in amusement, fingers lightly squeezing the bridge of his nose of where his glasses laid.

“Even if Breen was a scumbag, I sure as hell enjoyed being at Black Mesa. A place to be myself, with my friends and colleagues. Barney, Eli, Kleiner… they were all that I needed. Now… we’re displaced. Barney’s probably talking to  _ other _ me, making bets to open Kleiner’s office or even Eli telling me that I was a brilliant mind when solving an equation he was stuck on for weeks. I liked the reassurance… the feeling of making a difference in people’s lives in tiny ways. Then the accident happened and… I had an entire world - hell, even _border world_ on my shoulders. People would die, just out of my reach. I felt…  _ useless _ .” The bearded scientist opened his eyes and glanced to the interior ceiling of the car, remembering the flowers that dotted around it. Now, it was completely bare of that beauty.  
  


“Then I met you. And I wasn’t too sure about myself anymore. I felt like my decisions weren’t based on science. Only survival. Because that’s all that it was for the 24 to-- I don’t know…  _ days _ , following the Black Mesa incident. Surviving; every man for himself. The military didn’t want to help us - it was just one big cesspool of death and anguish. I don’t even want to think about… holding a crowbar again. The thought of it makes me panic. That it was what I was reduced to. Act now and ask questions later. That’s  _ not _ how I do things. Not normally.” Gordon lightly swallowed as he felt his throat ache and close as he remembered what he went through.

_ So many bodies… _

As the government man listened to Gordon try to subdue his panic attack, blue eyes kept attention to the road, despite his vision being blurry due to being under the influence. He recalled those events that threw the Freeman back into the action again. Fighting against the military or an enslaved alien force, he became a test subject himself in that hazardous environment. So that his employers could gather valuable data during so. The bearded scientist was primitive - still had a need for emotions but they hadn’t valued that. Emotions got in the way, so it was deemed unreliable. However, they were indeed impressed with his actions and how quickly he got through them… despite the G-man knowing just how long it actually took him.

Counting the alternates.

“ **_I’m sorry._ ** ”

“... What? What did you say?” Gordon blinked and glanced at the other, almost unsure if what he heard had actually came out of him.

“ **_... I apologize, Gordon._ ** ”

“... Why? It wasn’t you… you were following orders. I feel like I should apologize to you. In a way, we’re just in one, big, cascading chain of command, aren’t we? I answer to you, and you answer to your higher-ups.” Lightly venting in, the Freeman slowly touched that of the government man’s hand.

“... You make me so fucking confused, you know. At first, I didn’t care if you died. I felt like it would be such a huge relief off my shoulders. Now… I’m… for god sakes, you made me get attached. Thanks a lot.” Gordon huffed as he was annoyed, only getting the pale man to curl his lips into a small smirk, and his hand to slowly turn and grab onto the other’s fingers.

“ **_You’re welcome._ ** ”

“Smug bastard.” Then the Freeman’s face went red as the other lifted his fingers to kiss the back of his hand, leaving Gordon to retaliate by snatching his hand away and softly hitting the other in the arm. While it was uncharacteristic and annoying, the bearded scientist couldn’t help but smile as he liked it, looking away as he didn’t want G-man to see that he did.  
  


Despite the slight soreness in his arm, the government man still kept his smirk, keeping his focus on the road ahead. As the hours went well into the night, Gordon found it hard to keep himself awake, eventually to have fallen asleep in the passenger seat. The G-man kept awake, however, listening to the silence that came from within the interior - the ambiance of the engine and bumpy road provided a lulling sensation. He too was growing tired, as the buzz from the alcohol was wearing off and exhaustion was setting in.

As they passed by the road sign that placed them into the state line of New Mexico, the government man then blinked as a pair of headlights - or rather multiple headlights shone in his direction, causing G-man to slam on the breaks as the vehicles blocked the road he was on, to prevent him from going any further. Tires screeched from the sudden halt, and Gordon snapped awake from the event.

“What’s going on?” Gordon almost spoke annoyingly before he too caught sight of the vehicles in the road, before flashlights were turned on and red laser lights were aimed at them. Softly inhaling as the masked men aimed their weapons, Gordon lightly tilted his head to the side towards the government man.

“What do we do…?”

The G-man thought to himself as the men were slowly approaching the car, perhaps with the intention of subduing and arresting them for being in New Mexico. Larissa was right - it was completely blocked off, perhaps with the intention of keeping something inside and preventing anyone from coming in. Trying to get a good look at their faces, the pale man’s blue eyes soon glowed as he reached over to pull Gordon’s seat belt tight, before attempting to go around the roadblock of cars. Gripping onto the door handle and seat, the bearded scientist vented in as the luxury car wasn’t exactly an offroad vehicle. 

“What are you doing, what are you doing?!” Gordon yelled and ducked his head as the soldiers began to shoot up their car while trying to escape. Looks like the use of deadly force was authorized, no matter who they were. With their windows being shot out as a result, the Freeman vented hard as the vehicle jolted here and there from the uneven terrain. Once they got past the barrier and back up onto the road with a tough attempt, the smell of iron soon filled Freeman’s olfactory. Looking at himself, Gordon didn’t feel the usual burning sensation of being shot. Realization struck, causing the bearded scientist to glance to his companion in the driver’s seat.

The G-man grunted lightly as he was shot twice by the soldiers from their escape, attempting to hold the more major wound covered with his hand as his other kept a hold onto the steering wheel. As blood seeped and stained his buttoned shirt, Gordon felt his heartbeat pulsing in his ears. This was something he never expected to see.

“G-man…”

“ **_What…?_ ** ”

“... You’re bleeding…”

“ **_I know… but we can’t stop. You h-have to get to... Black Mesa._ ** ”  
  


“For god sakes, G-man, you’re bleeding out. You _won’t make it_ to Black Mesa.”

“ **_I will if I… step on it._ ** ” With that said, the government man slammed his foot onto the gas pedal, trying to outrun the soldiers that were approaching them with their jeeps. Looking in the side mirrors, Gordon vented in as their luxury car wasn’t fast enough, moving to sit properly in his seat.

“They’re gaining…” Gordon spoke worriedly, glancing over to the government man, venting in as he saw the other wither and grow weak, trying hard to keep his eyes open as the blood seeped through the hand that covered his wound. Gripping onto the wheel, the both of them grunted as they were hit from behind, causing the license plate to fall off of the back. Trying evasive maneuvers, none of them seemed to work as this was a long road of nothingness ahead. As the jeep pulled up by the passenger side window, Gordon backed up as a red laser was aimed at him, and the assault rifle was locked and loaded. 

Growling, the G-man soon took a sharp turn away from the jeep before Gordon could be shot, sending their luxury car flying into the sand, managing to clip into a few rocks to send them tumbling. As the car tumbled and the wreckage was splayed out along the desert, their world went momentarily dark once it finally stopped - upturned onto it’s roof.

Lightly groaning and feeling blood seep down his face and into the locks of his hair, Gordon wearily blinked his green eyes as his equilibrium was thrown off, having a hard time keeping his dizziness under control. Moving his limbs lightly to make sure he still had feeling, finding himself to be hanging upside down, still strapped into the seat. Pausing in his efforts to unhook himself, the Freeman vented as he spotted G-man… seemingly unconscious beside him, not as lucky to be still strapped in his seat.

“G…” Shakily speaking out, Gordon then halted his hoarse voice as the military jeep pulled up by the driver’s side to park. A couple of soldiers jumped out and moved close to the ruined vehicle, reaching in to drag the government man out. Shifting slightly, the pale man vented in as he stirred some, looking to who was dragging him out. Dragging him out by his arms, the soldiers then laid him in the sand, as Gordon could see that the other was heavily injured and cut up from the accident.

He saw the other’s chest covered in blood at this point, heaving as he was out of breath and weak from the loss of vital fluids. Gordon watched as the soldiers loomed over him, as if he was a pathetic sight to see. Hearing the cock of a pistol, the Freeman tried to get out of his seat, grunting as his seat belt was stuck. 

“ _ N-No… _ ” Softly whispering, Gordon vented in hard as he saw the government man raise his hand in attempts to block the gun from being aimed at him. The Freeman felt his stomach turn as the gun went off, causing green eyes to look away from the brutal execution. Shakily glancing back to the scene, the bearded scientist choked out a soft cry as the G-man was lying unresponsive in the sand, head turned away with no indication of moving again. 

Breathing shakily, the Freeman grunted as he was cut free and dragged out as well by the soldiers and forced into the sand by a boot on his back. Grunting lightly as he heard the cock of the gun, Gordon clenched his tearful eyes as he waited for the everlasting darkness that would befall him.  
  


Feeling the cold metal press against the back of his head, Gordon shook with overwhelming fear and anguish, unsure if he was going to be shoved back onto the shore or if this was entirely the end for him. He wished for someone to help - the Vortigaunts mostly. They extracted him before, surely they’d come to aid in extracting him again. Instead, the Freeman was only met with the back end of the pistol to the back of his head, rendering him unconscious and the sounds of crickets and the jeep engines to fade from existence.

Clock ticking soon faded into his ears, and the feeling of a mattress he laid on drew him out of his unconscious state. Green eyes slowly opened to see the clock that ticked on the nightstand, a simple little clock with no significant meaning. Lightly shifting his limbs, Gordon then grunted as he no longer felt the bearing weight of a boot on his back, nor of the trauma that came from the car accident. Instead, it was of a blanket, as he found himself lying in bed. 

Eyes lightly studied the hands of the clock momentarily, before the Freeman slowly rose from laying on his stomach, turning his head up to view the room around him. To his surprise, it was his dorm room at Black Mesa - completely furnished of how he last saw it. Not ruined, not destroyed in an atomic fireball; completely set up the way he wanted before the Resonance Cascade. Books were on his nightstand, posters of the desert lined the walls, and an old Windows computer was settled on a desk in the corner.

Why was he back here?

Looking down at himself, Gordon vented in as he was dressed in a gray shirt and sweatpants. This wasn’t what he was wearing before - was it? Certainly not a gray,  _ Black Mesa Research Facility _ t-shirt. Moving to lift his shirt, the Freeman vented in as he simply saw his chest, hardly scratched and shot up like before.

“...G-man.” Gordon then realized and got up from the bed, moving to see if anyone might be out in the hallway. Standing in the middle of the corridor, the Freeman vented in as he saw no one, not even a scientist that worked within this sector. Level 3 dormitories were completely abandoned. Stepping back inside to what he deemed as safety, Gordon slowly turned and gazed to his room, pressing his back up against the door. What was going on? Shakily covering his mouth, the bearded scientist choked out a cry as he remembered what he witnessed before. The government man was killed in cold blood.

Was this the effect of the paradox? He was here… in Black Mesa, surely the government man’s transcendence would have possibly exploded or annihilated somehow as it’s physical body was destroyed. Where was everyone and where were those soldiers? Lightly swallowing his feelings, Gordon then moved to get dressed into his usual work attire, finding it still hanging in his closet. Once he got dressed, the Freeman left his dorm and headed to the tram platform. 

He still couldn’t believe anyone wasn’t around. It looked completely abandoned, suddenly, with no warning at all. Displaced, perhaps; Gordon had the whole facility to himself. Approaching the tram, the Freeman entered inside, taking a moment to look at his surroundings before moving to one of the seats to sit down. Before the door had closed, Gordon felt compelled to hold the door open momentarily, despite no one actually getting on board at a late notice. Soon, his hands drifted away to let the door finally close, and for the tram to begin moving along the track.  
  


Quietly and slowly moving to look out the window of the tram, Gordon inhaled as the announcements weren’t even coming on. Has everyone gone from existence? To him, this was surely feeling like hell. What was he to find when arriving at Sector C? Would any security guard be there to let him off the tram, or any scientists to mock him of his doctorate? Would there even be a test to do?

As the tram moved through the facility, Gordon felt uneasy. While no one was around, he surely felt very watched. Going through the big rooms and spotting smaller areas of offices and lounge areas, not one soul was in sight. However, one thing was indeed out of place. The areas that allowed him to view the outside world, were enclosed. Either by newly built tunnels or rock formations in the ceilings to prevent the other from seeing if it was morning or still night.

The doors he had to go through were already opened, despite no security guard ever being present to close them once he went through. Lightly holding himself, Gordon watched as he approached the platform that would let him off to the Anomalous Materials lab, venting in as no guard was present to let him out. However, that was not a problem, as once the tram stopped, the door had opened to let him proceed. Stepping onto the platform, Gordon then looked as the door closed behind him, preventing him from going back inside the tram. 

Approaching the open doors that led him into the lab, Gordon uncrossed his arms as he walked through without being stopped and verified by security. No one was around, and he doubted he’d get into trouble for it. Entering into the lobby, the Freeman glanced to the large map of the world on the wall, followed by the company name. Research Facility, but there was no one here to do  _ any _ sort of research. 

Making his way to the lockers to retrieve his H.E.V. suit, Gordon was surprised that it was all ready for him to be put on and utilized. Once he got dressed into it, the Freeman was surprised that it registered him in, giving the usual speech of what systems were online and maintaining his vitals before eventually wishing him a safe day.

“What’s safe about this…?” Gordon asked mostly to himself, before deciding to head down to the test chamber. If anything… someone had to be there, right? Weaving through the halls of the sector, the Freeman finally entered the control room, inhaling as no one was there to greet him. Not even Dr. Kleiner, or Eli. The shutters of the control room windows were closed, preventing Gordon from seeing what might be happening in the test chamber.

As he headed down to the entrance, Gordon looked as the machine was already whirring with life. The rotors were spinning, but not at a high rate of speed. It was spinning at a moderate speed, similar to that of a ceiling fan than an Anti-Mass Spectrometer. So the machine was on, which meant that the button was pushed. It wasn’t until his eyes caught sight of the sample that made the entire Resonance Cascade event possible. 

Sample GG-3883.

Approaching the cart, Gordon lightly touched the exotic material with his gloved hand, venting as he felt an electrical charge seep through his fingers and down his body. Letting go, the Freeman then glanced to his hand momentarily before glancing at the machine that whirred even more to life - and a beam to come straight down the middle, ready to read the data from it.  
  


As the whole test chamber began to rumble from the sheer power of the Spectrometer gaining power and the rotors spinning at a higher rate, Gordon glanced back down at the sample. Why was this happening? Why was he back in this test chamber? What indeed was going to happen this time? As Gordon stood and watched the machine whirr to life, and the wind current produced by the rotors rustled through his hair, his eyes drifted back to the sample beside him. 

Moving behind the cart and taking hold of the handles, the bearded scientist slowly glanced up to the machine, as orange light bathed the chamber walls, dynamic shadows produced by the rotors that spun. Lightly swallowing to himself, Gordon lightly tightened his grip onto the handles before beginning to slowly push the cart towards the analysis port. 

Was he going to cause another Resonance Cascade? Would he endure another 20 or so years of pain and torment, death and loss? Losing his friends and colleagues, was he really willing to go through all of that again? Gripping the handles, the Freeman nearly pushed the sample in before halting, as he saw through teary eyes - the image of a figure.

Mosaiced and translucent, the appearance looked the same as the maze walls he had to navigate through a while ago. Fluid, like water, but definitely contained in the image of a man. A man that looked familiar. As if he was staring through a pond or lake that was in the form of this man, Gordon then realized who it was, as the beam of light was distorted in a way that allowed him to see the details. The straight build, the outline of the briefcase...

“G-man…” Soon, the figure slowly moved through the cart to be in front of the bearded scientist, despite the cart being partly within its body. No, this wasn’t the government man - it was his  _ transcendence _ . The Freeman stood there, partly in fear and wonderment as this being stood before him, unsure if it wished to harm him or something of a different nature. 

G-man’s physical body and his transcendence were very different in terms of how their relationship with Gordon was. His transcendence was the observant one, the cryptic one. While G-man was… the  _ real _ human behind it. But with the human side of him…  _ dead _ …

What was left?

Gordon stood there, shaking lightly as the translucent man stood before him, hardly doing anything to harm the other. Hands still gripped onto the handles of the cart were suddenly touched with a certain gentleness. While it didn’t exactly feel like anything was touching him, that familiar warmth was there. Lightly inhaling, Gordon felt a certain twinge of electricity leave him and enter the other’s hand, causing the translucent figure to illuminate colors that were of the government man’s suit.

The Freeman then watched as the figure soon stepped aside, allowing the bearded scientist to push the cart in. Is this what he wanted him to do? Start another Resonance Cascade? 

“... Why? Why do I have to do this…?”   
  


“ **_... Because I said so._ ** ” Hearing his words, albeit muffled and distorted, caused tears to run down the scientist’s cheeks, and for a soft, sad chuckle left his throat.

“ _ Smug bastard… _ ” Gordon whispered before the same green eyes stared to the beam of light that awaited for the sample to be inserted and read. He was scared, definitely scared to endure what he thought was over with, once again. Inhaling shakily, Gordon then began to push the sample in, slotting it within the port before watching as the orange beam turned to a blinding green, enveloping the very place he was in, as it began to collapse and explode into a big ball of light.

_ That’s life. _


	8. Apprehension and Evasion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon can have a little Resonance Cascade, as a treat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Best track in all of Half-Life 2 for me. It honestly slaps.

Hearing the klaxon alarm sound off as the facility was in utter ruin, Gordon lightly shifted as he felt sore and exhausted, weighed down to what he presumed to be his H.E.V. suit. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, the Freeman soon opened his eyes, glancing as his glasses were handed to him. Grabbing for them, he looked to who had indeed given it to him, venting in shock and surprise as it was the government man. 

“ **_Are you alright?_ ** ”

“... What the  _ fuck _ …?”

“ **_What?_ ** ” Gordon slowly looked him over, glancing up and down the government man’s frame, as he was suited in relatively the same H.E.V. suit the bearded scientist had on, only his suit was navy blue instead of hazard orange.

“You’re… you’re wearing an H.E.V. su--” As a gloved hand clamped over his mouth, Gordon blinked as the government man furrowed his brow and hushed the other, before moving forward and kissing the back of the hand that he held over Freeman's mouth. Pulling back a little, the pale man stared down at him, still keeping a hand on the bearded scientist’s mouth.

“ **_Listen to me very carefully, Dr. Freeman. What I am doing is of… great risk, to both of us. I intend to help you out of this facility, despite it being illegal to do so._ ** ” Looking around the area, the G-man spoke quietly, finally lowering his hand from the other’s lips.

“But why? I thought you were… I thought you were killed…”

“ **_I was… momentarily. But I came across something… unexpected._ ** ”

“I saw your transcendence.”

“ **_I know, and I saw you._ ** ”

“Wait, what?” Gordon vented in as he was helped up onto his feet, looking around the ruined test chamber and wiping away the blood that seeped down from his scalp. The government man vented and watched him before tapping the other’s gloved hand.

“ **_I’m manifesting. The sample you touched provided energy to you. In turn of me touching you, I acquired a physical form. That is why I am here. In a way, you and I are as one right now. Occupying different bodies, but occupying the same mind._ ** ” Gordon listened to the other before venting in and shaking his head.  
  


“What kind of sci-fi movie stunt is this shit? You have no idea how happy I am that you’re here.” Gordon vented in relief, causing the government man to sport a small smile before taking hold of the other’s hand, pulling him along to traverse the wreckage and enter back through the entrance doors of the test chamber.

“ **_There’s no time to waste. You have to make your time, Gordon. You have to_ ** **_exactly_ ** **_proceed through this facility, of how you first started._ ** ”

“You’re saying that I have to go through this facility, and do  _ exactly _ the same things I did when the Resonance Cascade happened? How can I remember any of that?!”

“ **_You’re just going to have to try, Gordon. Any misstep can possibly cause everything to shatter._ ** ”

“What about you? Isn’t this wrong to have you by my side like this? You’re supposed to be my observer.”

“ **_Quite so. Which is why I can’t help in terms of defeating enemies for you. But I can warn you. As long as I don’t... interfere, with your survival, we should be okay. And you… you must learn to adapt. This is a one-time run, Gordon. I can’t bring you back if you die._ ** ” Gordon exhaled at the realization before inhaling deeply as his anxiety was increasing; his throat closing some to the thought of everything ending if he had a simple mess up. All dialogue had to be the same, all methods of killing enemies had to be the same. How can this come to be? He couldn’t exactly remember half the stuff that went on during the fighting.

“How do you know all of this?”

“ **_I am the manifestation of my transcendence, Gordon. My physical self is no longer around, even if I appear here to you. I am unseen by others… fortunately. Otherwise, my eh-eh-eh-employers might see something completely wrong… You were right, Gordon; they dropped me upon the shore._ ** ” Moving to open the door, Gordon tried to hit the scanner to get it to work, venting as they needed to crawl under to get out. 

“So… repeat everything to a key and don’t mention you to anyone?”

“ **_Quite so._ ** ”

“... I missed you.”

“ **_... As have I. Now, time is of the essence. Get a move on._ ** ” The government man nudged him to go, following him underneath the door as the two made their way through the ruined facility. As Gordon moved down the corridor, he then realized the setting was still the same. The bodies of dead scientists were still in the same place as before. Now, it seemed like everyone had shown up, despite the halls being completely devoid of people when he arrived.

That must mean...  
  


Heading up the small elevator, Gordon vented in as he spotted Kleiner and Eli by a malfunctioning server computer. The Freeman couldn’t recall the last time he saw Eli in the flesh, and moved over to him, just as they were talking about the Resonance Cascade.

“Gordon! You’re alive, thank god for that hazard suit! I’m afraid to move him, all the phones are out. Please, get to the surface as soon as you can, and let someone know that we’re stranded down here. You’ll need me to activate the retinal scanners. I’m sure the rest of the science team would gladly help you.” Eli lightly touched the other’s shoulder before moving to take Gordon to the control room.

“And keep that suit on until you’re in the clear, you hear me?” Moving to open the door, Gordon watched Eli scan his eyes before the door slid open to reveal the mess that was the control room. Blood,  _ everywhere _ . Lightly swallowing, the Freeman then moved forward, before backing up as beams of light blocked his path momentarily, threatening to explode him to smithereens if he got too close. Unfortunately, another scientist was caught in the path, providing that image once again - burning it into the bearded scientist’s mind. Quickly moving through the control room and onto the other side, the Freeman shakily sighed.

“... While it’s horrible to go through this again… I’m so glad I got to see Eli, one last time.” Gordon spoke softly before continuing on, with the government man following close behind him. Going through the facility again was alright for the most part, but having to do it in the exact same way as the first time wasn’t going to be easy. Sure he acquired the crowbar and pistol as he made his way through, but now… he had someone else to worry about. 

Could the government man get hurt? Even if anyone couldn’t see him, he surely must be projecting some form of solid matter to be injured. Is that why he had the H.E.V. suit on? In case he did get injured? 

“... You look attractive in a H.E.V. suit - not going to lie.”

“ **_Getting hot and bothered, Mr. Freeman? Perhaps you’d like to cause a game-ending paradox to… quench your thirst._ ** ”

“Oh my god, I hate you.” Gordon huffed at the other’s sassy tone before blushing. Goddamn this whole situation. He would actually love to be back upon that shore rather than here - that way he wouldn’t endure the typical, repeated deaths of his colleagues and potential end-all to the end-all. Which reminded him…

“If you’re here… what about Alyx? Don’t you have to take her out of here, soon?”

“ **_Indeed. Which I must leave your side for. I should catch up to you upon a later time._ ** ”

“Separated again…”

“ **_Yes, but only but a moment,_ ** ” The government man soon moved to take Gordon’s hand momentarily, caressing the gloved appendage before letting go, “ **_I shall be back before you know it._ ** ”  
  


“You be careful, okay?”

“ **_As such as yourself, Gordon._ ** ” Watching the other walk off to another part of the corridor, Gordon vented in as he was alone, forced to go through the facility that caused him to relive his nightmares for the longest time. Despite the G-man not at his side, the Freeman made good progress, running through the facility and being reintroduced to the various enemies he had to fight against. Houndeyes, bull squids, headcrabs, even… even  _ Vortigaunts _ , who were under the rule of the Nihilanth’s hand. 

Did this mean he would have to go to Xen and do that over again? 

As the Freeman made his way through the facility, acquiring ammo and new weapons to aid him in his fight, traveling via the rail system; the memories started flooding back to him. How he fought the enemies, what puzzles he did to overcome a certain obstacle. He felt…  _ younger _ , in a sense - able to endure these things. Perhaps it was his H.E.V suit, or maybe it was just because he was back in time to where it first started. He was leaning more towards the first choice, as despite getting injured, the suit did indeed keep him alive.

Coming across a room with a medstation inside, Gordon then remembered what this room was. It was where he was ambushed and knocked out by the HECU Marines. Lightly inhaling, the Freeman then moved inside, flinching as the door slammed shut to leave him in the dark. Preparing himself, the bearded scientist swung at the dark before receiving a hit to the side of his head. Collapsing to the ground, Gordon vented in and lightly scratched at the floor before eventually giving in to the unconscious state.

Grunting lightly, Gordon stirred a little as he felt his body drop and his olfactory to register some pretty…  _ interesting _ smells. Green eyes slowly opened to gaze at the environment around him. As he woke, he realized that he was in the trash compactor - thankful that nothing indeed had really changed and was the same as before. Hearing the walls beside him whirr to life, the Freeman took that as his cue to get up and move, before he would be crushed to death. Climbing on top of the crates, the bearded scientist grunted as he managed to get up to a small crawlspace, swinging his leg over to prevent it from getting crushed.

“That was close…”

“ **_Peekaboo._ ** ”

“...!” Gordon vented in and looked upwards as he heard the other’s voice, blinking as the government man hopped down from a ledge and to the grated cover, kneeling down to look at the other.

“G-man! Where in the hell were you? I was expecting you hours ago!”

“ **_Unfortunately, I was caught in a predicament._ ** ”

“Predicament? You weren’t  _ seen _ , were you?”

“ **_No._ ** ”   
  


“Then what was the predicament?”

“ **_... I have no comment to make about it. It’s all in the past._ ** ” The government man stated, causing the bearded scientist to look at him confusingly. It wasn’t until he saw the state of the other - sweaty, disheveled hair, and an ill-fitting H.E.V. suit. Did he take it off? Well, surely he had to put his other suit back on but… a  _ snort _ came from Gordon.

“You had trouble putting your H.E.V. suit back on, didn’t you?”

“ **_... N-No?_ ** ”

“Tch! Lying gets you nowhere, G.”

“ **_Spare me the details, Mr. Freeman._ ** ” The pale man simply exhaled before looking as the other gripped onto the grated door above him.

“So… are you uh, going to let me out of here?” Gordon lightly shifted his body, in a way that was almost flirtatious and innocent to try and get the government man to assist him.

“ **_That’s not how you did things, Dr. Freeman. Remember that._ ** ”

“Fuck…” Gordon cursed as he hoped he would have gotten out of there easier, but of course, he had to follow his previous directions to a  _ T _ . Moving across the trash compactor walls, the Freeman took hold of the crowbar that was left behind, sighing as it was back in his possession once more. Glancing up to the government man, he watched the other hop back over the wall to meet him up ahead. Breaking the barrier to the drainage pipe, the bearded scientist then hopped down, grunting as he slid through the greasy sludge before splashing into the runoff below. 

Hearing a noise off to his right, the Freeman blinked as the G-man came tumbling down the rock wall, landing on equal ground with Gordon before face-planting. Cringing lightly, Gordon then couldn’t help himself to sputter out an amused laugh at the pathetic sight. 

“Going through this environment is  _ not _ your forte, is it, G-man?”

“ **_Ob corsh not. My environment conshists of… being art oub reach._ ** ” Muffled speaking into the floor, the government man then lifted his head from the rubble before eventually standing up and dusting himself off. Gordon tried to keep himself together. In all times he’s seen him before, he was mysterious and cold-looking. Now… this was the  _ complete _ opposite.

“Weren’t you in the military before?”

“ **_Years prior, Dr. Freeman. Some skills are… obsolete, in this time setting._ ** ” Lightly adjusting the wonky, bulky metal suit he wore, the pale man then watched as Freeman approached and helped him to fit into it correctly. To be honest, it was quite…  _ cute _ .

“Here.” Gordon adjusted the suit before looking as the suit finally came online to read the government man’s vitals and also wish him a safe day. Now it felt better on him, so to say. However, being out in the desert sun wasn’t exactly helping the sweat that was lined along the bureaucrat’s face.

“I guess that feels better, yeah?”

“ **_Quite so._ ** ” 

“If needed, I can help adjust you, anytime.”

“ **_Anytime, Dr. Freeman?_ ** ” The government man looked over his shoulder at the other before venting in as he felt a hand ghost over his side as the Freeman moved to linger near his ears. Beard lightly tickled his lobe before teeth lightly bit into the skin, causing the bureaucrat to be caught off guard by the… intimate moment.

“ _ Quite so _ .” Gordon mocked the other before slowly moving away from the other to retrieve his crowbar from the ground, carrying it within his hand. Standing completely still like a statue, G-man then watched as the Freeman leaned the crowbar against his shoulder.

“I can offer you a battle you have no chance of winning… a  _ climax _ after what I’m going to survive.” Gordon grinned lightly as the government man lightly fumbled his words a little before managing to get his thoughts straight. Even if what he was thinking… wasn’t straight at all.

“ **_I don’t suppose you… wish to give a demonstration, Gordon?_ ** ”

“Hm…  _ unfortunately _ , I can’t do anything that would put me on the verge of a paradox. Looks like you’re on your own in your… sexual expression, G-man.” Moving away from the other, Gordon grinned as he heard the bureaucrat basically lose all of his brain cells, attempting to fumble with his tie, despite him wearing an H.E.V suit instead.

“ **_Oh no, Freeman. Come back. Come back here_ ** **_now_ ** **_._ ** ” Narrowing his now glowing eyes, the government man watched as Gordon turned back to him and shook his head, clicking his tongue to the other.

“ **_Get. Back. Here._ ** ” The government man beckoned him, pointing to a spot on the ground as he wanted him front and center. Instead, Gordon continued to walk away from the other, hitting a headcrab that dared to jump at him, satisfied with the grumbling that emanated from the other. Looks like he knew a thing or two about getting the bureaucrat hot and bothered as well. Moving to catch up to the other, the G-man crawled into the small space that the bearded scientist entered, venting as it was cramped to a slight degree.

Now he was getting first-hand experience of what Freeman went through, as it was safe to say that he didn’t like it very much. Contorting his body to fit into places didn’t feel nice, the possibility of running into trouble at every corner - as they practically were already - and hoping that the next corner wasn’t their complete end. Instead, Gordon fought tooth and nail to survive this time, knowing that this time was much riskier for the both of them.

He didn’t want to think about the idea of meeting the end. Here, the panic set in. Gordon shakily held the crowbar as he made his way through the facility with the bureaucrat at his side. It was clear he tuned him out, as if he was just an observer back then. Instead, he focused on the situation at hand. One chance, it was all he had. It wasn’t until he reached the Lambda Core, that all hell broke loose for Gordon. 

He could barely stand, barely think a coherent thought. The pressure was definitely on, and he still had a long way to go. Getting through Xen was going to be a nightmare, and if he dies… Shakily gripping onto the wall as he entered the teleportation chamber, the government man unconsciously went to the other’s side, grabbing hold of his arm to make sure the other didn’t collapse to the floor.

“I-I-I… I can’t…”

“ **_Look, Dr. Freeman._ ** ”

“I  _ just _ can’t… I-I’m so tired…”

“ **_Gordon, look at me_ ** **.** ” Grabbing hold of the other’s face to make him look, the government man softly inhaled as green eyes stared back at him. Exhausted, beaten, withering away into a mess of a lesser man. It felt like if he wasn’t careful, the Freeman would collapse into mere, delicate dust. As the teleporter began to warm up and bathe the room in blue light, the bureaucratic man vented in and kissed the other. Something uncharacteristic, he thought, to his very being. 

Sure, he had intimate moments with Gordon, but nothing was as intimate as this. Nothing compared to showing the other how attached he became to the Freeman. This was the same fear he had - as he also didn’t want to get attached either, in fear of his own death. This time, he couldn’t reset his mistakes, couldn’t motion him in the easier, safer direction. Couldn’t fight alongside him as it was illegal. And he knew that even  _ kissing _ Freeman was a big risk in itself.

Pulling away from the other’s lips, the government man softly caressed the other’s cheek with his thumb, swatching away some of the grime and blood that caked onto his skin. His hair was a mess, his glasses surprisingly held up better than he did. 

“ **_... You’re almost done. Just a little longer left._ ** ”

“I can’t…”

“ **_You can, Gordon. You’ve been at this… much longer, than I have._ ** ” Closing his eyes, Gordon vented in slowly as he kept himself by the wall, feeling the bureaucrat’s hands slowly drift away from holding his cheeks.

“ **_I’m so proud of you._ ** ” 

Green eyes opened and darted around some as the G-man was no longer there, and his H.E.V. suit laid announced on the floor. Grabbing hold of the fabric, Gordon shakily clenched it in his hands before looking as something else fell out, clattering to the ground. Moving to grab at the chain, the Freeman glanced to the dog tags that were hanging from it, moving to turn it over in his hand to examine them.

Glancing to the name registered on it, Gordon then blinked in surprise as he remembered the G-man holding onto these same dog tags. Was this… his real name? Thinking to himself, the Freeman then slowly moved to put the dog tags around his neck before inhaling in deep and taking hold of his shotgun, gazing to the machine that was trying to produce a portal to the border world. Taking another deep breath, the Freeman then cocked his gun back to load a round into the barrel, as he heard something teleport in.

“Let’s go, you bastards.”

As the enemies started to flood in, Gordon began to fight once more to keep the scientist manning the controls safe until he could get the portal open. Putting the Long Jump Module to good use, the Freeman avoided getting caught in place by alien grunts and their controllers. Loading more shells into his shotgun, the bearded scientist growled as his fingers fumbled a bit. He was still shaken up, yet he knew he couldn’t stop and process everything being thrown at him. Lightly skirting to a stop as an alien grunt came in front of him, the shotgun presented itself to it’s face, releasing a few shots at point-blank to cleanly blow off the head.

Closing his eyes to the blood splatter, Gordon nudged it aside as he kept on running, trying to lead them in a circle so he could pick them off one by one. However, the tougher enemies were the Controllers. They didn’t care for Freeman’s attempt to carousel them, flying overhead to do some damage. With shotgun ammo growing low, the bearded scientist switched to his crossbow instead, trying to aim steadily despite the shaking in his hands. The ghostly feeling of hands returned to his face, as Gordon remembered the way he was held by the government man. He was proud of him, and even left him something as valuable as his old dog tags.

With his real name on it. 

As the portal was nearly completed and warmed up, the scientist told Gordon to get into position. Sweating hard, the Freeman felt himself go into overdrive as this was it. It was now or nothing. Quietly venting in, the bearded scientist couldn’t hear anything but the muffled sounds of his gun, and his breathing. His body was screaming at him to rest, despite his H.E.V. suit hardly telling him anything other than lacerations or internal bleeding was detected. While morphine was administered - his body was still in pain.

He thought of Alyx, Barney, Kleiner, Magnusson… hoping that they would be on the other side of that portal once it came to be. He even hoped for the G-man to be located on that other side. To welcome him with open arms. As he could recall the first time he was dropped upon that shore, Gordon had relentlessly beat him for ruining his life. Now… he wanted to apologize. He wanted to understand more about the other - he grew observant and curious himself. 

At first, he was reluctant to know anything about the other.

Now, he wanted to know everything. To look from the other’s perspective, why he followed orders from his higher-ups, and if he could see his higher-ups for himself. See what they were like and why was Black Mesa or him even chosen to do this dirty work. Why go through all of the trouble? 

“It’s ready! You must go, now!” Calling out to the Freeman down below, the scientist tried to avoid getting hit by an alien, as the glass in his cubicle shattered from the energy particle that was shot at him. Moving to the ramp of the portal, Gordon vented in hard as he made the final leap, jumping straight into the swirling mess of light, that clouded his vision and his mind to drift away from his body momentarily. 

Soon, his own transcendence slammed back into his body as he zipped through the continuum, glancing at the different memories he established over the years of his survival. Black Mesa, City 17, Ravenholm, the Citadel, White Forest, the Borealis… but there was one memory that he didn’t recognize.

A lost coast.

He didn’t remember ever being in a place like that, as it looked fairly similar to the shore he was dropped upon the first time. Why did he have that memory, if he couldn’t actually recall being there? As his memories zipped past like the spinning clock hands he’s seen constantly throughout his travels, other flashbacks soon came into play. 

Him and the G-man. Their intimate times together, the struggles they faced. Venting in softly, Gordon then looked as he felt something drift off of his neck, floating out in front of him, despite zipping at a rate that would considerably be classified as the speed of light. Softly breathing, the Freeman then slowly reached out to the dog tags that drifted away from him. Skimming it by the tip of his finger, the dog tags began to rotate from the energy of being touched. Attempting to reach for it again, the bearded scientist vented in as he managed to enclose it within his palm, bringing it back close to him.

Opening his hand to view the item, Gordon shook lightly as it drifted upwards, spinning lightly with the anti-gravity that was being experienced. Taking hold of the tags once more, the Freeman then felt himself get slingshot backwards - and the image of the Nihilanth’s hands enclosing around him, threatening to squeeze the other to death. 

Clenching his eyes shut, the Freeman felt himself get slingshotted again - this time forwards towards another image of the Vortigaunts, who prayed around an injured Alyx. Was this back at the Antlion mines? The Freeman couldn’t dare to make a lick of sense upon what was happening. Everything felt too long of an experience, when his teleportation should have been instant to the border world of Xen. Instead, he was drifting meaninglessly through warped space at a high rate of speed.

Soon, Gordon found himself dropped onto a mirrored surface of the ground, until the bright light of the Combine Overworld was in view, and the Borealis was slowly drifting closer to it. Clenching onto the tags, the Freeman tried to run closer, however felt like he was running in place, despite his environment tricking him that he was getting closer. 

“Gordon.” 

Hearing a voice, Gordon paused and looked behind him, glancing up to what he believed was a giant, fingerless-gloved hand. Soon, it picked him up by the back of his H.E.V. suit, dangling him of what was 1000 feet above the ground. Venting in shallowly as his anxiety was getting the better of him, green eyes met hazel ones surrounded by darkness before eventually the bearded scientist was thrown out to the reaches of space, far away from the Borealis.

As he was shot backwards, the Freeman soon hit the dark-tiled floor with a hard impact, knocking him unconscious and for the tags clenched in his hand to clatter away from his body. No sound came to wake him up, nor a gentle hand. 


	9. Infraradiant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gettin' kinda tense, isn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the spooky sounds of Half-Life 2: Episode 1's 'Infraradiant' soundtrack. It's great.

Darkness enveloped him.

The minimal ambiance of an Anti-Mass Spectrometer drifted into his ears, causing the Freeman to twitch his fingers as it drew him out of his unconscious state. Soon, his whole body - in increments - flinched to life, and green eyes opened to wearily examine the place he was thrown to. It wasn’t Xen, it was hardly Xen. The place he was in was more suited to be of stasis rather than the luscious, floral border world. Yet, if he was in stasis, shouldn’t he have been forced to be unconscious?

Slowly shifting his body to roll onto his stomach, Gordon then shakily sat on his knees, before glancing at his reflection in the dark-tiled floor below. He looked weathered, beaten, inches away from death at this point. Swallowing what saliva that pooled in his mouth, the Freeman then quickly glanced up as he felt a presence in the room. Instead, he was met by glowing pairs of eyes and the shadows of human figures. There were 5 of them, standing side by side with about 3 feet of space between them. They stared at him, as if he was a test subject who had gone awry.

They weren’t happy.

Before the Freeman could speak, he felt a strong, electrical force push his head down to the tile, almost like he was involuntarily bowing to who these beings were. Grunting lightly in pain, Gordon panted as the sensation subsided, and he returned to look at the beings. They were…  _ talking _ , similarly - all at once within Freeman's mind. He could hear them, telepathically, yet none of them ceased their whispers for Gordon to completely understand.

“Where am I?” The whispering ceased at sudden, and the figures returned to staring down at the bearded scientist before eventually one of the voices began to whisper to the Freeman.

_ A place you could do no harm and no harm can come to you. _

“... You’re… you’re his employers, aren’t you? … Where is he? Where’s G-man?!” Soon, the figures turn their heads simultaneously to the side, as the pale man soon walked out of the darkness, steps echoing as he drew near. Nude, and wielding no briefcase, the bureaucratic man soon stopped just moments away from the Freeman, before eventually growing weak and dropping to his knees. Venting in, Gordon immediately got up and moved to the other to catch him, preventing him from falling flat on his face.

“G-man… G-man, what did they do to you?” Worriedly, Gordon lightly touched the other’s hair as the government man stuffed his face into Freeman’s shoulder. Lightly furrowing his brows, the bearded scientist then looked to his gloved hand, venting in as it was caked in blood of where he touched him. Clenching his hand into a fist, the Freeman then looked to the ominous figures.  
  


“You bastards…! How could you do this to him?! He was your employee!”

_ He has disappointed us. We do not take rebuttal lightly. As such, one shall be punished for their misconceptions towards order.  _

Gordon vented in and looked back to the government man, whose backside was completely scratched up. He looked like he was thrown into a bed of saws that were spinning at the highest frequency. Some of them were closed up and scabbed, however, deeper cuts had yet to stop bleeding. That made Freeman's heart  _ ache _ . He wouldn’t have survived that - he would have probably wished for death to come quick so he wouldn’t have to endure such torture. Instead, the government man endured it for him. Payment for his own mistakes.

_ To fall for a mere human like you, shows that he is weak in nature. Inappropriate, much like the race that abides by cycle and expansion. It has shocked us - with knowledge that you have managed to persuade the finest worker to shambles. _

“ _You_ were the ones who picked me - I’m sure you would have seen it coming.” Gordon tried to apply pressure to one of G-man’s major wounds, in hopes to stop the bleeding. As the other leaned into him, the Freeman could tell that he was growing weaker with the time that passed - even if time didn’t exist where they were. Glancing back to the dark figures with glowing eyes, the bearded scientist then inhaled deeply.

“So what’s the end goal here? You kill us and toss our dust into some pit, returning to our world to finish the job? Taking Alyx and employing her as your new disciple? Letting the Combine wreak havoc on Earth?”

_ Despite our own efforts to deliver barriers, you have managed to get through them in little endeavors. Our inquiry was that of observing your pathetic lives upon how this comes to be. Surviving in unsurvivable environments - given chances to reconvene and adapt. _

“Let me tell you something; no matter what you throw at us - even if you wipe out the entire human race - life finds a way to bring us back. Constantly,  _ time _ has been a theme here. Say it doesn’t exist, or it does - whatever! No matter how long it takes, we can’t be wiped out completely. We may not show up in the same spot, but we sure as hell will exist somewhere else. Sure, we look pathetic, primitive, complex and complicated, but it’s us. This is  _ us. _ ” Gordon narrowed his eyes at the others before looking to the government man in his arms as he slowly lifted his head.

“G-man, don’t move, you’re injured…”

“ **_I have no intention to… die, on you G-Gordon… but I don’t want to see you die, e-either._ ** ”

“I’m not going to die… not when everyone I care about is at stake. You said you were proud of me… that gave me all the strength that I needed. Which leads into my other question - _why_? Why choose us for your experiment? What made Black Mesa your prime target, huh?” Turning to the dark figures, Gordon kept his hands pressed on the bureaucrat’s back.  
  


_ An ideal environment for experimentation. Much to our own surprise, we found another stronger energy amongst the happenstance. He managed to find it quicker than we did. A simple human child - no connections, no obscure powers. _

“ _ Alyx _ …,” Gordon whispered mostly to himself before inhaling lightly, “So what was the issue? Now that she’s shown potential, you’re rethinking your decisions? Thinking that she can settle your impediments?”

_ You were the one to settle those, Freeman. Miss Vance was a drop of essential water in a dried desert. She is what draws us together. However, some had collected her already. _

“Who?”

“ **_Gordon… your Vortigaunt f-friends_ ** .” 

“The vortessence… that’s why they didn’t want you to come after us. They knew you’d be after Alyx, for your employers.” Gordon glanced down at the government man before thinking deeply to himself. Alyx had some type of energy that was beneficial for all of them. She was the one between the barriers.

“ **_Orders… were o-orders._ ** ” The G-man lightly choked out as he moved in a certain way that caused his back to ache with unbearable pain. His voice was soft and undemanding, bearing some small trait of disappointment and shame. She was to be presented with the main bond to the chain of command - to prevent power from ever being distributed to less individuals. In his employers’ eyes, she would keep them atop the pedestal. Become ever-so knowing and unrevised. 

However, with the Vortigaunts, she was to be coterminous. Equal among their kin, to link them closer with human life with no fear. Strength and prosperity between the worlds to coexist with one another. They were her guardians and she was their sanctuary. Hearing a soft, drawn-out tone to his left, Gordon looked as the Combine Overworld’s Dyson sphere was turning within that space above, and the Borealis was subsequently being ruptured apart by the energy between the two objects. 

“... Alyx can stop something like this, can’t she? She has the power to stop the Combine, stop everything. She’s more powerful to your employers if she’s subjugated, and will never utilize her full potential. They feel  _ threatened _ .” 

“ **_They know no fear, Gordon. But Miss Vance’s energy alone cannot dismiss their concerns._ ** ”

“... I want to talk to her.”

“ **_Gordon._ ** ”

“Send me back to the first time I was on the Borealis. Before you took her away.”

“ **_I cannot abide by this… request. I am merely a reduced state of consciousness._ ** ”  
  


“... then I’ll ask _you_.” Gordon then gazed to the dark figures who stared back at him, inquiring what the Freeman intended to ask of them. Slowly helping the government man to stand with him, the bearded scientist kept a hold on the other’s arm to keep him upright.

“I want to see Alyx. I request that you send me back to the Borealis before she was taken away. Before the Borealis will cease to be.”

_ What intention do you have of succeeding, Dr. Freeman? _   
  


“I won’t succeed. I am leaving that decision to Alyx no matter what. Nevertheless, I need to speak with her. Something I should have told her a while ago, but never had the chance to. After that… you may do anything you must with me. Vanquish what remains of me, or shove me into whatever environment you intend to test my endurance in. Just give me this last request.”

_ … Very well. We will allow you this last chance to tell Miss Vance of what you need. However, there is no guarantee that she will listen to you. _

“... I know.” Gordon then watched as the figures turned their heads to the side simultaneously and the Freeman was slingshotted back into the warp of space and time, drifting through that nothingness at a high rate of speed. Venting in as he was enveloped in a blinding light, the Freeman then felt himself come to a sudden stop, and his feet touched the hard, cold metal of the Borealis. Stepping out of the blinding light, Gordon vented in as Alyx and himself was there, holding a discharged pistol. She had just ended Judith’s life, despite their own deaths being moments away from colliding with the Combine Overworld.

Managing to get her attention, Gordon watched as she walked over to him, pistol dropping from her hand. Looking down, the Freeman noticed he was wearing the bureaucratic man’s suit; figures he would be. Another Freeman on the Borealis would surely be cataclysmic in regards to the universe.

“... **Alyx.** ” Gordon spoke to the other, now getting a good look at her face. He could see his own reflection in her eyes - he appeared before her as the G-man. Lightly inhaling, the Freeman then curled his lips into a small smile as he felt happy to see her, despite the unfortunate circumstances.

“ **... You’ve done a great deal in a small time span. You’ve done so well in fact that… I can say, I am very proud of you. To act in the face of objections, uncertainty, and familiar faces who have met their end, I have no doubt that you’re in good care while I’m gone. But, know this… it’s not** **_worth_ ** **it. It’s not worth being caught in more anguish. I will leave the choice to you. Do not think of what your dad would have done, or what Kleiner would have done, or Barney or Magnusson or even Judith… think about what you will do. This is your decision alone.** ” Stepping aside, Gordon watched as Alyx stood in place, unsure of what to do. She glanced back at his alternate, who was standing there in slight awe and worry. To him, he was simply the G-man - the same man who dropped him here in the first place.

Yet it was coming from a different perspective.  
  


“Gordon.” Blinking lightly, the Freeman looked as Alyx called out to the other alternate of himself, watching him approach up to her side. Glancing back to the government man in her eyes, she gave her usual smile - one that he had missed so much.

“This is my decision,” Alyx stated quietly before the two had begun to enter the light behind Freeman, being enveloped. It wasn’t until then Gordon realized that she and his alternate were taken by the Vortigaunts, willfully. As the light dissipated, and all that remained was the gigantic Dyson sphere in the background, the bearded scientist inhaled deeply before glancing as a fluid manifested in front of him. Taking the outline of a figure, Gordon watched as the government man slowly approached him, carrying a briefcase.

“... I don’t suppose you were thrown here out of punishment, too?”

“ **_No. I came here with you. Yet, it would be strange to see… two of me, regarding your alternate._ ** ”

“Right… I’m wearing your suit. Basically… I took your place, to try and employ Alyx.”

“ **_Quite so._ ** ”

“... So what about your employers? I’m sure they’re not too happy with Alyx being gone. Which might mean that… she’ll be thrown into a battle she will have no chance of winning.”

“ **_It is as you said, Dr. Freeman. Alyx Vance is far more powerful than realized. I’m sure she would have no problem with a certain… Freeman, at her side._ ** ” Lightly huffing in amusement, Gordon looked as the Borealis inched ever-so closer to the overworld. The metal rattled some with the infraradiant energy between them, yet they knew who would prevail in this battle of strength.

“... What about you? I’m sure after I’m gone, you’ll have to pick up the pieces.”

“ **_Unfortunately so, thank you very much._ ** ”

“Sass-master,” Gordon chuckled lightly before inhaling deeply once more, “This is all so strange still but… I’m… I’m not even going to question it. This wasn’t an ending I thought I was going to get. Basically, we returned back to square one. In a way, I hoped for… I dunno, maybe be shoved back to White Forest. Everyone’s there, including Barney and we’re just having one big party to celebrate not dying. That way I can finally get that damn beer.” 

“ **_Life isn’t always what you want it to be, Gordon._ ** ”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” The Freeman then blinked as the government man moved to take hold of the other’s hand, giving his fingers a kiss. As a soft blush crawled along the bearded scientist’s face, the bureaucrat then fixed the other’s tie as he saw it was a little loose.  
  


“ **_I do believe I’ve asked for a demonstration of your true method of a… climax, after what you’re going to survive._ ** ” Slowly grinning, Gordon then grabbed and pulled hard on the G-man’s tie, making their faces mere inches from each other.

“ _ No risk of causing a paradox, right..? _ ”

“ **_I don’t believe so._ ** ”

“ _ I’m not sure if I can take your word for it… but I can’t be bothered anymore. _ ” Gordon grinned smugly before moving to the side of the other’s face, lips moving to kiss the skin of his neck, tongue lightly flicking over where he did. Lightly rolling his eyes back, the government man hummed lightly in pleasure as a playful bite then came to his earlobe. Smirking lightly to the other’s hum of arousal, the Freeman then moved away from him.

“Of course, I don’t like the idea of your employers potentially watching--” Gordon then blinked as he was forcefully pulled back close, feeling the government man stuff his face into his neck. The bearded scientist lightly hummed before grinning as he felt the other’s lips ghost near his right ear.

“ **_Not. This. Time._ ** ” Green eyes darted here and there before the Freeman had chuckled lightly in amusement.

“Maybe I got you too curious, G-man. Someone’s impatient. But, I thought you were injured, hm?” 

“ **_... Out of the question._ ** ”

“Take off your suit, you dunce, you need medical attention.” Gordon shoved the other back, hearing the other grumble under his breath before moving to undo his suit tie and take off his blazer. On the inside of the material, it was soaked with blood. The Freeman narrowed his eyes at the other but subsided his anger and moved to help him take off his shirt, knowing it would probably hurt to move his shoulders too much. Despite the Borealis inching closer to utter ruin, Gordon took his time tending to the government man.

“At least some of your wounds stopped bleeding. I didn’t say all of them, but some are as good of progress as any.” The Freeman lightly vented as he lightly patched the other up. Luckily, the Borealis still had some items leftover from the old world in order for him to do so, as a quick look around managed to snag him some ammunition and medical supplies. Thank god his alternate came prepared. The bearded scientist then huffed as the G-man flinched from the pain.

“Please bear with it. I’m almost done.”

“ **_You said that… 5 minutes ago, Freeman._ ** ”

“G-man, it’s only been about _45 seconds_ since I last said it. Now quit moving. You’re making me mess up.” Gordon lightly applied some more ointment to the wounds before dressing them in more bandages. It took some time, with the government man’s constant moving, but it was finally done. That’s all that mattered. Watching the other, the bearded scientist then stopped the other from putting on the blood-soaked shirt.  
  


“Don’t put that on! You’ll make the bandages all dirty. Here, just take mine.” Taking off his suit blazer and shirt, Gordon then handed it to the other.

“ **_And what will you do without clothes, Freeman?_ ** ”

“Okay, I’m only  _ half-naked _ , it’s not like I’m giving you everything. So I’m fine for now. Besides, I don’t think it matters when the Borealis is headed straight for death. If I had my H.E.V. suit-- oh  _ shit _ !” Gordon then facepalmed at the sudden realization. The government man lightly tilted his head to the side in confusion to the random outbursts of curses that came the other.

“... The dog tags. I dropped them when I was flung through the time-space. Shit!”

“ **_Freeman…_ ** ”

“I know, I know, they were yours and you gave them to me. I’m really sorry, I was just… I was completely caught off guard with what happened. I expected to be at Xen! But then I was forced here and met your employers - somewhat - and then I completely forgot!”

“ **_Gordon!_ ** ” Yelling out to get the other’s attention, the government man soon straightened his tie and cupped Freeman's face. He was warm to the touch, the complete opposite of his cold hands. Blue eyes met green, and soon Gordon stopped all thought processes that dehumanized him as a complete screw-up.

“ **_... I don’t care, if you dropped them. They were a reminder of my… past, that I do not wish to reflect upon. It’s better to leave it behind, where it belongs._ ** ”

“So… you’re not mad?”

“ **_Why would I be?_ ** ”

“Well, I dropped a piece of your history. It might have not been valuable to you but… it kind of was for me. I mean… are those dog tags really… yours?”

“ **_Yes, they are._ ** ”

“So your real name is--” Gordon then grunted as a hand was clamped over his mouth to prevent the other from speaking anything of what his old name used to be. The two stared at each other for the longest minute, ignoring the swirling of light and low droning noise of the Borealis cascading into certain doom. The navy-blue suited man then moved to kiss the hand that was over the Freeman’s mouth.

“ **_Like I said, Mr. Freeman. It’s all in the past._ ** ” Letting go of the other’s mouth, the government man then curled his lips into a smile as he saw the flushed face of the client he was to watch over. Instead of cryptic messages, angered passive-aggressiveness towards his mistakes, there was genuine feeling for the other.  
  


Something that wasn’t expected at all. He couldn’t admit that it wasn’t strange, however, it was definitely welcomed for the change of pace. After what the Freeman had been through, he thought for sure he would hate the government man. Now, as he looked to the scientist - looked at him with such love - he felt like that wasn’t a problem anymore. He could understand why he did the things he did. Orders were orders. Gordon was caught in the crossfire.

“G-man, you’re staring at me again.”

“ **_You previously asked me if I feared death._ ** ”

“... yeah?”

“ **_... I do, Gordon. I fear it. But not of my own death. Of yours._ ** ”

“... Stop being poetic, you son of a bitch.” Gordon vented in and pulled on the other’s tie, smashing their lips together in a passionate kiss. Heartfelt;  _ forgiving _ it felt like. True, Gordon was going to die, and the G-man couldn’t do anything about it. He had promptly pissed everyone off this time, but to him… losing Freeman was all that he didn’t want to happen. Tie continued to be pulled as the two finally came up for air before eventually returning to each other’s lips, and for the bearded scientist’s free hand to move to grip onto the lapel of his suit.

Feeling the Borealis twist and turn, Gordon returned his attention to the government man who loomed over him, his lips moving to that of Freeman’s neck and shoulder to kiss. Breathing out lightly, the bearded scientist couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down his cheeks. He had changed the timeline - what was he to expect after being burned up in the atomic fireball? Nothingness? Darkness? Staying unconscious forever?

The Freeman didn’t even realize how emotional he had become, especially over the course of the events that transpired after being dropped upon the shore. He felt like Black Mesa had hardened him to his very core, as showing emotion meant showing weakness in battle. Now was the tipping of the scale; the stress and trauma that followed suit after Eli’s death and other such events. He began to think of never seeing Kleiner again, or Barney, or even Magnusson. Would they wait forever for him to arrive back one day? As if nothing changed? Or would they too forget him and the things he accomplished? Green eyes slowly closed as his tears were wiped away by the government man, before eventually feeling his lips against his cheek. 

“ **_Don’t leave me…_ ** ” Gordon lightly choked out a cry as he heard the man whisper to him, moving to shakily grip the other close. Despite the Borealis closing in to its eternal doom, the two had relocated to the ship’s bridge, to have at least some form of privacy should the G-man’s employers watch their situation unfold.

Clothes were scattered beside them, as the two laid upon the cold floor, desperately trying to keep each other close in the intimate moment. Heavy breathing emanated from Freeman's mouth, and sweat was drawn on both of their bodies to signify that what they had done had enticed them both to an immense degree. While the pale man was relatively exhausted, he stared at the bearded scientist that collapsed in his arms, hardly wanting to ever let him go. The ship creaked and groaned as it drew near the Combine Overworld - as it was almost time.  
  


“ **_Gordon…_ ** ”

“... Hm…?” Panting softly, the Freeman soon opened his eyes to gaze to the other that held him, feeling the government man’s hands to cup his cheek, rubbing at the flushed, sweaty mess that was his face. Lightly cuddling the other’s side, Gordon watched as the G-man curled his lips into a smile.

“ **_Is being back at White Forest… really, your desired end to be?_ ** ”

“... I mean… off the top of my head, maybe. Because that’s where we left everyone at before leaving for the Borealis. It would have been nice to return and have a big reunion with everyone. Why? Is it thinking too much of my acquaintances and not of myself, again?”

“ **_If it is really what you want, I don’t suppose… it’s selfless. I ask - if it would truly make you happy._ ** ”

“G-man… are you wishing that  _ you’re _ apart of it too? I mean… what about your employers? Ain’t there some kind of rule between interacting with people who have connections to you? Or no connections-- I don’t know how things work with your… expertise.” Gordon vented out softly as he still tried to catch his breath, slowly moving closer to the other, leg draped partly over the bureaucrat’s own.

“ **_I wouldn’t necessarily… interact, with them - rather stay and observe from afar with you in the mix._ ** ”

“So you return to being the usual, creepy stalker.” Gordon heard the other stutter, which left the bearded scientist to chuckle as he managed to shock the mysterious being to his very core. It wasn’t until the government man took hold of his hands that ceased his laugh, and turned his expression into wonder. The way the other stared at him, thumb rubbing over his fingers that managed to make a blush crawl along Freeman’s face.

“What?”

“ **_... Talk science to me._ ** ”

“You’re going to have to be more specific than that, G-man. What kind of science?”

“ **_... About what you have witnessed, so far. Explanations as to what you have endured here since meeting my employers._ ** ”

“... It seems too easy… Changing Alyx’s mind, not enduring a giant battle against the Combine, accepting my death on the Borealis. It’s too…  _ uniform _ . Hell, we were basically walking through non-existence since time wasn’t real to us. It’s… a simulation. It’s not real. You’re not real. I’m not really here. If anything, I might be lying dead in a gutter somewhere. Or I killed myself on the shore and this is just… one, big, last-minute memory before my psyche finally gives out.” Gordon vented in as he spoke, feeling his hands start to shake lightly with the oncoming sensation of fear.   
  


“ **_If it is a simulation, Gordon… was it something you hated?_ ** ”

“... No.”

“ **_Why?_ ** ”

“... Because you’re here. Even if you might not be real… I haven’t felt this happy in a long time.” Gordon glanced up at the other, his fingers lightly curling around the G-man’s to hold onto him. As the Borealis creaked and groaned with intensity, a blinding light soon filled the bridge of where they sat, enveloping the two who embraced each other within the infraradiant beam that erased the Borealis from existence.

Into nothingness.


	10. Dark Interval

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here we are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Dark Interval' from the Half-Life 2: Episode 2 soundtrack is what I heard when I had auditory sleep paralysis one night.

It was hardly loud.

While he expected to hear the same, simple shore noises he’s come to recognize for so long - practically years - nothing flooded into his ears. The smell of the sea was even less than, no faint rubber or smell of nearby, tainted fish that gave up life. Instead, it was darkness. Something that he had feared seeing, ever since the accident. What time was he in now, if there even was a time to begin with? Even so, he couldn’t remember what his life was like, before being dropped at the shore. 

What accident? What shore?

Green eyes lightly drifted their sight downwards, as he spotted the circumference of a black hole of sorts - instead, he was on the opposite side, well past the event horizon. As he gazed out of the hole, all he could see were millions of stars, albeit warped and elongated. He was speeding past that space he once occupied in a material state, as soon his body would be even lesser than. It felt like forever he was drifting through the elongated continuum, no one dared to reach in and pull him out. Perhaps this was a way he intended to go from the very beginning, or perhaps his mind is living it’s final moments with an approach to go out with a bang.

It felt like years - feeling his physicality dwindle into an old man he needed to be. His beard grew long and gray, with the hair on top of his head proved the same way. Fingers boney and shaky, youth leaving him in the final moments. He didn’t dare to breathe, nor think of a plea to some higher-up to get him out. Instead, the same forest-green eyes continued to stare out of the event horizon, watching the space stretch and warp from perspective, even into colors he never thought were possible. 

That silence soon turned to life.

He heard his old colleagues, in the halls of Black Mesa yelling and cheering about some sort of scientific breakthrough. Of what - he couldn’t tell. He heard a name - a couple of times that were spoken, feeling like it was designated for him. The more they drew on, the more he grew confused.

Who was Gordon?

The name was transferred into the tone of a young woman, almost teasingly beckoning him to follow to what place she wanted to go. That teasing voice soon came into a tone of concern, practically worried for who the name belonged to. Other voices followed suit, voices that sounded… familiar yet distant. They all called for the same name, but not simultaneously.  _ Gordon, where’s Gordon? _

Who  _ was _ Gordon?  
  


He dared not to talk, as who they were referencing was likely not him. As the event horizon got smaller with the distance he traveled from it, the voices were beginning to get drowned out by another noise. The rotating tone or high-frequency circling behind him was starting to get deafening. However, that tone began to formulate into something else.

Music.

Music he had never heard before. No church, no choir, no windchimes could match the ethereal beauty that made the man recognize it. Surely it came from no instrument, nor voice of the distant past. The music had drawn on until slowly starting to cease its noise, causing green eyes to well up with tears. All emotion hit him at once - shaky, boney hands reaching to touch his throat as he achingly tried to suppress it. Quietly, his mouth opened to let out a forgiving breath.

_ Gordon. _

Being shoved forward, the shaky, boney man was forced out of the event horizon and straight into the elongation of the continuum that still existed outside. He could not reach the singularity, and the force that drove him out was unexplainable. Despite feeling that years had passed, his youthful body returned from that oldened state, and his mind could make sense of the memories he endured since Black Mesa.

Drifting through deep space, slowing down in rate, Gordon found himself to enter a tram car, slowly being suppressed to the cold, metal floor. Venting in, the Freeman slowly gazed around the forgotten space before rising to his feet upon the sight of the man in the blue suit. Standing up straight, the bearded scientist focused on the blue, glowing eyes of the cryptid who carried a briefcase.

“ **_... You’ve proven yourself a decisive man, so I don’t expect you’ll have any trouble deciding what to do. If you’re interested, just step into the portal and I’ll take that as a yes… otherwise, well… I can offer you a battle you have no chance of winning - rather an anti-climax after what you’ve just survived._ ** ” The government man lightly adjusted his tie before motioning to the door of the tram as it opened and a portal snapped to life, rotating with energy. 

“ **_Time to choose._ ** ” The bureaucratic man lightly quirked a brow as the Freeman stared to him in slight amazement. Green eyes slowly drifted their aim towards that of the portal. Would he endure another City 17 situation again? Another White Forest situation - another Borealis? Why was he back here? 

“ **_It’s time to choose._ ** ” He reiterated, causing Freeman to glance back to the government man who stood at the opposite end of the tram. It might have been a quick trick of the light, however, he could have sworn that the pale man had nodded to him in agreement. Slowly moving towards the portal, Gordon gazed at the swirling matter of light before eventually hopping through, feeling his body get pulled into multiple different directions before eventually halting.

“ **_Wisely done, Mr. Freeman. I will see you up ahead._ ** ”  
  


He expected darkness. 

Instead, he was greeted with a sunrise; the Sun rising just above the peaks of the mountains. Familiar mountains, as soon Gordon surveyed his environment. He was back in White Forest, just outside of the base of which they previously occupied. Before he could think much more, someone’s voice had called out to him as he was embraced from behind.

“There you are! We thought you might have forgotten about us!” 

“... Alyx…?” Gordon glanced to the younger woman who came before him, eventually looking to the others that came up to his position. Kleiner, Magnusson, Judith, one of the Vortigaunts, even…

“Eli?”

“Mornin’ Gordon. Nice to see you’re bright and early this time.” Eli had joked, looking down at his daughter as she leaned against him some. 

“With surprise, yes. Finally breaking your streak of being late, Freeman?” Magnusson had huffed some, crossing his arms as he recalled the different times he had to cover for him for his tardiness. Kleiner turned to calm the other down, before adjusting his glasses.

“Now now, Magnusson. There’s no need to instigate something without proper explanation from Gordon. I’m sure there’s a plausible reason why he’s been gone for so long.” Kleiner defended his former student, knowing just how well-worked he tended to be. He was a hard worker by trade and showed his work through it. It wasn’t always he got to show it, however.

“So… what happened?”

“What do you mean?” Alyx blinked and tilted her head as Gordon asked the question. As the group of people looked to him, the Freeman eventually shook his head to dismiss it. He wasn’t going to question it. Perhaps this was his own personal sanctuary after his defeat. He didn’t care.

“Hey hey! The gang’s all here!”

“Barney! You made it!” Alyx yelled happily as their old friend had walked up the hill with a few resistance fighters. 

“Aw, ya kiddin’?! Like hell I was going to miss something like this. Ooh, by the way, look what I snagged up!” Barney grinned and held up a case of beer, which caused the group to chatter in wonder and excitement. Of course, which led to Alyx begging her father to let her have a sip despite him thinking she was too young. Watching the group talk to one another, Gordon then eventually turned when he felt a presence at the top of the hill.  
  


Glancing to the backside of the government man, the Freeman then strayed from the group and moved to meet him by the wooden railing that kept them from falling off the edge of the cliffside. Approaching next to him, the pale man gazed at him momentarily before looking out to the same sunrise. Settling his hands on the wood railing, Gordon then eventually sighed out.

“Isn’t this illegal…?”

“ **_Perhaps. So was saving Alyx from Black Mesa._ ** ”

“... Am I de--”

“ **_\--No. Far from that._ ** ” Gordon inhaled lightly and stared out to the horizon, hearing his group of friends talk amongst each other, laughing at Barney’s jokes or Magnusson’s bickering to Kleiner. Lightly folding his hands together, the Freeman gazed over the edge of the cliff below. A good 300 feet - a height that could easily kill him.

“... I still don’t understand.”

“ **_Then don’t, Mr. Freeman._ ** **_Embrace_ ** **_it._ ** ” The G-man glanced over to the other, causing Gordon to stand up straight and turn to the other.

“And what about you? I don’t suppose your employers will let you stay here.”

“ **_... Unfortunately, I am needed elsewhere._ ** ”

“You’ll come here to visit me, won’t you? Every once in a while?”

“ **_... I plan to visit you more frequently than that, Gordon. If you ever shall need me, I will be there._ ** ” Moving to hold the other’s hand, the government man slowly rubbed over the other’s gloved fingers - as he was still dressed in the H.E.V. suit. Which was already practically tattered and on it's last legs. If they ever wanted to salvage it, Kleiner would perhaps have to work on it to make it brand new again - or at least try.

“Really?”

“ **_Yes… after all, someone has to make sure you don’t… swing, with the wrong crowd._ ** ”

“Is that a euphemism for me having sex with someone else other than you?”

“ **_Yes._ ** ” The government man hissed lightly; he couldn’t endure the thought of Gordon getting his lights turnt out by someone other than himself. Hearing the other laugh, the pale man watched as the bearded scientist lightly patted his back.

“If you manage to satisfy me, then maybe I’ll stay away. But since you haven’t done that--”  
  


“ **_\--What? I haven’t satisfied you?_ ** ” The government man turned to the other before grunting as his tie was pulled, and his face was forced to be level with the Freeman’s. Grinning smugly, Gordon lightly chuckled and stared into the other’s glowing, blue eyes.

“ _ Not yet. But I’m sure we can put that difference behind us if you… visit me, more often. _ ” Gordon whispered to the other, managing to stir a deep rumble from the bureaucrat’s throat in arousal. Lightly grinning, the Freeman lightly tugged on the other’s tie, bringing him close to kiss the other’s lips. Pulling away softly, the bearded scientist softened his expression, staring up at the other.

“ _ When can I expect your visit? _ ”

“ **_... Tonight._ ** ”   
  
  
“ _ Good, because you’re _ **_mine_ ** _. _ ” Grinning, Gordon then pulled the other close and kissed him, unaware that the group at the bottom of the hill were watching. Some in confusion, some in awkwardness, and some in slight concern. Barney glanced to Eli, to which the older man had waved his hand.

“Let them be.” Eli crossed his arms before the group decided to go back to their usual antics, despite Alyx watching the two kiss away at the top of the hill. She then grinned lightly before turning back towards her friends.

_ Finally. _

“Well everyone, Barney’s got beer and it’s not cold, but that still doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it. Let’s go back inside.” Eli motioned for the group to head back inside the base, as some of the resistance fighters cheered for the good time that was going to arrive for them. It seemed as if they were entering a new era for human life; giving the possibility of rebuilding what was lost in the war. Surely there were some Combine left amongst the world, in hiding - but they were scattered.

Softly pulling away from the kiss, Gordon stared up at the government man, slowly releasing his tie and straightening the lapel of his suit. Quietly adjusting his tie back into the correct tightness, the Freeman then glanced back up to the pale man as his hands were held. 

“ **_... I love you._ ** ”

“Oh god.”

“ **_Is it wrong to say that I love you?_ ** ”

“No, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn't fluster me. I mean… I guess our relationship is something of a taboo thing, right? For your employers?”

“ **_And that concerns you?_ ** ”

“... No. You just embarrass me by saying that.”  
  
  


“ **_Why be embarrassed when it’s truly how I feel?_ ** ”

“I just-- … I… I never had anyone tell me this before. And I never expected it to come from _you_ , either. It’s… it’s a major shock, G-man.” Gordon lightly rubbed the back of his own head, feeling his cheeks burn lightly with the government man’s confession. 

“ **_Humans are complicated._ ** ”

“You should know that already by now. But… when you tell me that you love me, I’m not denying the reciprocation. I just… I’m shy. I’m shy about these things.”

“ **_We had sexual relations three times and you’re... shy?_ ** ”

“Like you said, humans are complicated! You could fuck me  _ six ways to Sunday _ and I’d still be wondering if we actually have a thing going on. Look… I’m not saying that I _ don’t _ like you saying you love me… I just need to warm up to it, that’s all. And… besides - actions speak louder than words. You don’t have to tell me that you love me, I already know, with the things you do.” Gordon lightly flushed some more, looking down at the government man’s Oxfords to save himself the bashfulness. To which G-man’s own mind was screaming at him.

He was absolutely  _ cute _ .

“ **_Then I will refrain from saying it too much, to save you the embarrassment. Until you grow accustomed to the word, I will present my... love for you, in more meaningful ways. We will treat it as fundamentals._ ** ” The G-man then took hold of Freeman’s hands once more, giving them a gentle kiss on his fingers before keeping them held to caress them with his thumb. Smiling softly, Gordon then gave a contented sigh in relief, allowing the other do as he pleased. It wasn’t until the navy-blue suited man let him go, that the bearded scientist faded his smile to some degree.

“ **_In the meantime, I must leave you._ ** ”

“You… _will_ visit me tonight, right?”

“ **_Of course._ ** ”

“Because I’m going to need one hell of a climax after what I’ve just survived.” Gordon then grinned as the government man lightly quirked his brow in amusement, and a hum of arousal rose up from his throat. Giving another kiss to Freeman’s hand, the bureaucrat then turned away, leaving the scientist behind to watch him go. Quietly inhaling, Gordon watched as the man disappeared among the trees, before looking to the White Forest base. Maybe this realm wasn’t real, but what did it matter?

He was finally at peace with the world around him.   
  


Heading into the White Forest base, Gordon met up with his old colleagues and friends, finally happy that they had time to talk and hang out instead of finding ways to ensure their survival. They spoke of old stories, old happenings, and had challenges to see if they could race to open up any locked doors within the base. Just like old times.

Of course, that didn’t stop his mind from wondering just what exactly happened to him before being placed back at the base. He surely thought he was dead - but the government man whisked him away before that could happen, right? At what cost? Wouldn’t that have damaged more of his memories? Or did someone else have a hand in it? Glancing to the Vortigaunt among his group of friends, Gordon had asked for a private word with the other, in hopes to understand his confusion.

Moving away from the group and into a separate room, Gordon glanced around at the various papers on the desk before turning his attention back to the alien that knew of him from the very beginning. Lightly shifting in place, the Freeman then watched as the other walked past him before digging through some crates filled with those same papers, grabbing hold of something within. Glancing back to the Freeman, the Vortigaunt then held out his arm, placing the dog tags into the bearded scientist’s palm.

“...! Where did you--”

“--The Freeman will do wise to keep a hold on them if they mean such an importance to you. While no importance to the original keeper, it still holds elucidation of a long, distant past.” Gordon vented in as the other spoke, before glancing back to the tags, lightly rubbing over them with his thumb. He was afraid he had lost it forever due to his forgetfulness. It was still amazing how it managed to end up here.

“Did you… retrieve this for me?”

“Yes.”

“... Thank you. I thought… I mean, I guess it really is confusing you upon why this holds such meaning for me nor… why I’m involved with the man you warned me about before.” The bearded scientist lightly inhaled as he examined the tags before placing them around his neck.

“We hold no mockery of those whose choice is to pick their partners, for we would be hypocritical towards ourselves. The man you speak of isn’t our established ally, so we warn… anyway.”

“Has he really been that much of a burden to your kind?”

“He has established ties with the wrong crowd in order for us to see him as an enemy. However, we have been persuaded by his actions during your final run.”  
  


“He put himself at risk… just so I wouldn’t fail. And I  _ did _ fail - multiple times, but he always brought me back. Despite it being unnecessary and unauthorized by his employers. He… cared, for me. Much like he cares for Alyx.”

“His supervision and custody of the Alyx Vance was divergent towards his supervision and custody of the Freeman. You are something much more that steers him to the opposing force of his proprietors in comparison. While it may have always been there since Black Mesa, it has never been shown like that in current standpoints of time.”

“... So he grew attached to me since the very beginning, but couldn’t show it until he was vulnerable?”

“The Freeman being employed under his care and watch proved difficult for instigating fragile talk under circumstances. You placed upon the shore allows for deeper connection when his whereabouts were on equal setting.” The Vortigaunt lightly twitched his head, before watching as Gordon unconsciously touched over the dog tags around his neck, making sure they were indeed still there. 

“Did his employers actually drop him there? With no recollection of what happened on the Borealis?”

“Yes to the beginning, but no for the latter. His obscured understanding of what occurred on the Borealis was not done by him, but rather one of like him.”

“... What do you mean?”

“He wasn’t there. Only believed to be there.” Gordon blinked as the other spoke to him, trying to wrap his head around what he just heard. He  _ was _ there, the Freeman had saw him - fought him even! Deep down, however, it felt  _ strange _ . Even though he was there, something about him was off.

“... Are you saying someone took his place? I got killed by someone  _ pretending _ to be him?” The Freeman lightly touched his head and sat down in a chair as his legs felt weak to keep standing. More questions were starting to arise, with no possible way of them being answered. Gordon felt  _ bad _ , he had jumped to conclusions when the G-man was dropped on his shore. Beat him, wailed on him, despite him not knowing  _ anything _ of what occurred. 

The reason he had no recollection was because he wasn’t there to begin with.

“So… uh - my IQ is dropping by the second - uhm… then where was he? And how did he know that the G-man reset my mistakes?”

“To us, it is a matter of confusion as well. We do not know of his original whereabouts, nor of who had taken his place. Only that they were of no accessory to him. A plan gone awry.” Thinking to himself, Gordon tried to think of what happened after leaving the Borealis for the second time, where he had fought who had portrayed the government man.  
  


Glancing to his gloved hands, Gordon vented in as they felt sore and cut up, almost like he had been digging for ages. Then it hit him - he vaguely remembered digging on that shore, his fingernails stuffed with sediment from doing so. He had made a dig spot for something… or rather… he dug something out.

“... I think I know where he was… he was on the shore the entire time. After he extracted Alyx from Black Mesa, I think his employers had other plans. They dropped him there… and took his place on the Borealis. In efforts to kill me, I would have no chance of getting Alyx away from their hold. But… that _Marine_ … the one who helped me out of the box - I bet they weren’t expecting him to be there. The G-man thought of everything… even though it hadn’t happened yet.  _ Son of a bitch is smart… He knew he was going to lose, so he made things harder for his employers. He  _ **_really_ ** _ is neutral. _ ” Gordon glanced up to the Vortigaunt once more, standing from the seat.

“Orders were orders… but his employers didn’t specify how those orders would be implemented. I may be making a mountain out of an anthill but… god, he’s so  _ smart _ ! I think that’s why he was hired by his employers. He had limitless potential.” Gordon then lightly touched the top of his head, feeling the strands of hair that were cut at an earlier time from the government man.

“... I saw his memories. I couldn’t recall them when I was awake but… now I remember. I was stuck on a war field… people were dying left and right. I… I was in his position. The photo in the cabin - with his platoon, I remember _being_ there. But not as myself, but as  _ him _ . After the photo was taken… everyone was killed. He was the only one left. I think that’s why he told me I was screaming in my sleep one night… because I relived the moment he dreaded.” Gordon vented in before glancing down to the dog tags around his neck.

“He didn’t want these because he was afraid of remembering. And those soldiers who tried to kill him when going to New Mexico… I think were a manifestation of his old platoon. They died and he didn’t - so he thought they wanted revenge. I think that’s why his transcendence didn’t explode or annihilate time and space - it was a simple nightmare that felt real. All this time, he was reliving his past nightmares. His resetting of my deaths made him lose his memories, but they were transferred to me... We have a much deeper connection than realized.” 

“It could be a multitude of things that play into what transpired from your exit of Black Mesa and the Borealis, however we believe this explanation is the closest we have to understanding the events.” The Vortigaunt then glanced to the door as it opened to reveal the Alyx Vance.

“Hey, uh… they were wondering where you two were at. Is everything alright?” Moving over to the younger woman, Gordon had hugged her before smiling lightly and patting her shoulder.

“Everything is super.”

“... O--k, well uh… Barney said that he has a debt to settle with you? Something about a 20-year old promise he didn’t break?” Alyx raised a brow before turning as Gordon motioned for them to head back to the group that was celebrating. Of course, that promise consisted of Barney actually giving Gordon a beer after so much time had passed. Returning back to the group, the Vortigaunt stood amongst what was left of the resistance, wondering if Gordon was truly okay with not knowing if their survival was going to last very long. 

Gordon had that thought in the back of his mind as well, wondering if this realm or sanctuary would continue to be safe and uninterrupted of peace. If the government man put him here out of his own risk, then surely the bearded scientist would allow him to be a part of it. Hell, he  _ wanted _ him to be a part of it. There were so many things he wanted to say to the other - and in all effort of seeing him later that night, perhaps he’ll get his wish.

Until then, in times of this uncertainty, he was sure as hell going to enjoy the long-awaited, deserved, _gross_ beer that Barney had brought for him, surrounded by the people he cared for. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, Gordon glanced as Eli gave him a smile, and in return, the Freeman smiled back - happy that they were all together and reunited once more.

  
  


Through the darkness came steps of shoes, and the illuminated eyes focused on one particular individual, who was also illuminated by the floating particles of light in stasis. Quietly humming, the government man stepped closer to the man, looking him over before plucking a piece of filament from the other’s shoulder. Lightly flicking it away, the navy-blue suited man then inhaled.

“ _ **Impatient, are we?**_ **_We’ve been rather busy in your absence, most have forgotten you were even still with us. Well, I intend to put you to good use, and all the effort in the world will surely not go to waste with your previous… judgment. A neutral person such as yourself will prove capable in this… hm, dark interval, and beneficial to the changing ways of the world. Yet, we still have much work to be done - and lives to be saved._ ** ” Lightly stepping around the man before him, the bureaucrat then glanced to the various memories that fluttered past.

“ **_Go back where you belong and forget about all of this, until we meet… again._ ** ” As the world filled with light, the government man then watched as the man who was adrift in stasis was no longer there. Fixing his tie and wiping his suit blazer free of any dust, the pale man soon returned to the darkness.

**_You will be perfect, Corporal Shephard._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half-Life as a whole has made a giant impression on me, as it's what I grew up with. I hope I did this series justice, as I am not too sure what to expect when watching the playthroughs of the upcoming game. All I can say is that I valued what people made, and wrote, for the Half-Life universe. And during these trying times, I hope I can see more works of art after Half-Life: Alyx's debut.


End file.
